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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
The really funny part to me is that two friends of mine (T and C, for security purposes) were standing outside on the one guy's porch. There on the porch with them was Furball, C's cat at the time. Furball was cleaning herself and C said, "Man, I wish I could do that" and without batting an eye, T said, "Don't you think you should pet her first?" 
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