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Dear Kotex (JOKE)

posted 6/12/2007 12:54:00 PM |
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Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
*Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
*Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
*Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
*Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only activities that interest me are eating..sleeping..bitching or crying for no apparent reason.. ...and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as an activity?????

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and shove them right up your ass!

P.S. Here's an idea: Add a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to your packages instead.

.......HAVE A GOOD ONE.......

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Dear Kotex (JOKE)


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Jun 12 @ 3:08PM  

I am so glad I am a man (but not when the missus is on the rag as I have to hide the knives)

Jun 12 @ 3:45PM  

Jun 12 @ 4:30PM  
Instead of the bout a nice shot of Vodka?

Jun 12 @ 6:20PM  
switched to Always years they have "fresh wipes" attached to each a little 2" x 2" wet wipe is gonna help!

**menopause...take me away!!**

Jun 12 @ 6:56PM  
As the father of 5 girls and one Italian wife I can attest to the whole genre of emotins and can only say that six don't go into four without a lot of bitching

Jun 12 @ 6:58PM  
This is suppsed to be a joke? Sounds more like a rant from someone having a bad week

Jun 12 @ 9:02PM  
this is freakin funny!!!! my 21 yr old daughter probably wouldnt think so, man she's a bitch that time of the month.


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Dear Kotex (JOKE)