>> Dearest Redneck Son,
>>
>> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
>> where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most
>> accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be
> able
>> to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived
>> here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to
> change
>> their address.
>>
>> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
>> about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't
> seen them
>> since.
>>
>> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first
>> time
>> for three days and the second time for four days.
>>
>> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would
>> be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off
> and
>> put them in the pockets.
>>
>> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
>> because
>> it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
>>
>> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is
> yet
>> so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
>>
>> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
>> him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he
>> burned
>> for three days.
>>
>> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
>> driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
>> friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
>> tailgate down!
>>
>> There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal
> has
>> happened.
>>
>> Your Favorite Aunt,
>>
>> Mom
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