AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

ADD from the Inside

posted 6/8/2007 3:21:30 PM |
0 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
tagged: happiness, life, add
  grabb0r

I have Attention Deficit Disorder. The adult onset type to be precise (well, adolescent to be exact).

It's not all boundless energy and free stimulants as most seem to think. While it doesn't seem as devastating as other psychological disorders because you can lead a normal life with it, that's the hook. Normal is about the best an every-day sufferer can do, and you have to struggle for that. If you don't try your damnedest you're out of house and home before you know it.

I was a straight-A student for a very long time. I was in a young author program with my school from first through fifth grade, making the cut every year. I showed an aptitude for music and art as well and showed a special interest in chess. I was a well-rounded, intelligent student.

Then it all started to change. I remember it distinctly because I was playing in chess tournaments at the time and my strategy became increasingly erratic. Rather than have the patience to plan complex strategies I simply started to move in an attempt to disorient my opponent and capitalize on the mistakes he made. To those who don't know, this is not sound chess strategy.

My grades dropped off. I skipped lessons and hobbies as they were too boring. "It's just a phase," everyone said. I was assured I would grow out of it. As I grew older my dreams of going to college on an academic scholarship grew farther away and before I knew it I had disappointed myself.

To this day I have problems. Keeping a job more than a year is a miracle, and I've come to accept that I'm not ever really "going places." Knowing that any kind of career recognition and financial security is unlikely does somewhat undermine what you're told as a child about, "being anything you want when you grow up."

To my mother I'll always be simply too lazy to apply myself, regardless of how many psychologists I'm seen by. Because she doesn't see me exhibit "hyperactive behavior" as defined by herself she refuses to believe I have attention deficit disorder.

In any event, I get by. While deep down I know that I'm capable of extraordinary things and merely limited by a disability, I feel it important to instead focus on making the most of each day of my normal life. Anyway, just a little insight.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by grabb0r:
Forgotten Childhood Lessons
Don't Waste Your Time
More Reflections on Blogging
RE: My Open Letter For The Entire AMD Community.
Frustration vs. Wanting
A Change of Pace
ADD from the Inside
Shooting from the Hip
Older Women
Never Been a Morning Person
Oh So Many Places...
Pictures, or Lack Thereof
Reflections on Blogging
About a Fulfilled Fantasy
Dinosaur Typist


Comments:

post a comment!

max49

Jun 8 @ 4:36PM  
It must be hard and very disheartening for you just as it is with all disabilities but at least you recognize it and can get whatever help there may be for your particular disability. I commend you for that.
ShadowsAngel

Jun 8 @ 4:51PM  
Hyperactivity is not necessarily a part of ADD... It's a part of ADHD though and your mother may not know that there is a difference between the two.

jjhxjpb

Jun 8 @ 11:11PM  
Have you tried medications? If so, which ones do you like or work best for you?

ADD here too

grabb0r

Jun 9 @ 4:36PM  
As a follow up I'd like to reply to a mail I received and to the comments thus far:

Firstly, no, I don't let my mother control my life. Being aware of what she thinks and taking to heart what she thinks are totally different. We love each other as any mother and son do, and we've learned to accept each-other's criticisms without a grudge rather than take offense, try to justify it, or deny it outright. She's happy that I'm happy, she just doesn't understand why I'm refusing to do more with my life as far as a career goes. And to ShadowsAngel... knowing and accepting are two different things ;)

Help for ADD mainly comes in the form of pills. I've tried Strattera, Ritalin, and Adderall. Since I don't have the hyperactivity the Adderall and Ritalin still have a stimulant effect on me physically which is great because I don't run out of energy while doing the things I can then focus on. The Strattera didn't do anything except make orgasms painful.

Getting help isn't as easy as it seems. Since the government generally doesn't assist with procuring controlled stimulants and I have no insurance I've to pay $150/month for the Adderall (which works the best). For what it does for me it's well worth the money, but having the $150 to spare each month isn't happening. As such I've been on-and-off the medications during the last two years.

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB02
ADD from the Inside