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posted 6/8/2007 9:26:18 AM |
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Never gonna guess what arrived late yesterday via the good ole US Mail.


It was about 8:26 in the evening, when my door bell rang. Pretty late for visitors to my cave. I breifly considered not answering, there are no horny babes lookin to borrow a cup of sugar way out here. But curiousity got the best of me. I mean maybe a horny babe broke down on the roadside and needs to borrow my cock errrr I mean phone right?

I answered the door. I was somewhat dissappointed. It was Ed, my mailman, and he wasn't even horny. He was sweating, disheveled, and his right sleeve was torn open at the seam on his shoulder.

"Evenin' Ed, looks like you're in for some tailorin', what brings ya out so late?"

"P-P-P-Pudge... Just take t-t-t-this nowwwww. Y-Y-You don't even g-g-gotta sign nuthin'... J-J-J-Just take it."

Ed doesn't normally stammer.

"OK Ed." I was about to ask more about the time and his appearance, but as soon as I took the package, he bolted for his truck and was gone.

"That's weird" I said it out loud to myself.

The package was only slightly larger than a shoebox. It was wrapped tightly with multiple layers of multiple colors of, you guessed it, duct tape. Funny thing is my address was nowhere on it.

Went to the junk drawer and found a carpet knife. I put my ear to the box and listened, nope no ticking. Slowly, I dissected the sticky mess that covered the box.

At last I got enough of the tape away to actually see the carboard boxtop. Among the adhesive marks and torn bits (I was as careful as I could be) you could still make out the words "ly's Stash of Aw".

What the fuck is that? I had no idea. I was beginning to wish Ed had bigger boobs, and less cock though. Slow motion like, I opened the cover to the box. I swear a pale blue light began to fill the room. Of course I then realized the tv was still on and "So You Think You Can Dance" had just started. I picked up a nearby beer bottle and threw it at the tv, smashing the tube with a quite satisfying "Blam!" If that's what they are gonna put on, who needs it.

Sadly I was then in complete darkness. I switched on the end table lamp. I opened the box all the way. It was filled to brimming with little green smiley squared circles. Never knew they could be used as packing matierial. Burried in the happy little scraps was... was... well words just can't completely describe it.

Half McDonald's Happy Meal toy, half religeous artifact. Half precious gem, half lump of plastic complete with the "Made in Tiawan" stamp. A shimmering gold "AMD" was embazened on what I think is the top of it, although it was written in gold crayon.

I sniffed it, no smell. I licked it, (yup sure did) no taste.

I held it up to my ear. Everything became clear.

A voice sharp and direct echoed through my house.

"Damnit Pudge!! I said use me Unwell!!!"

I knew then, my bounty had finally arrived.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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post a comment!


Jun 8 @ 9:44AM  
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Bort damnit!!!!!!!!!!!! You got the mailing labels all screwed up again!!!!!!!..........sorry should find a return address label in there somewhere.......the flies are on their way...........bort!!!!!!!!!! get in here!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 8 @ 9:45AM  
Umm Pudge, honey have you ever considered the letters PHD ? They usually follow someones name.............
Cool blog.......I'll send ya another little green man.

Jun 8 @ 9:52AM  
PHD means Photographically Headless Dude right?

Jun 8 @ 9:53AM  
Pudge I only say this with love in my heart RUN......DONT WALK .........TO YOUR NEAREST MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC................You are a twisted sister.

But you are funny Kudos to you.

Jun 8 @ 9:56AM  
"We're not gonna take we ain't gonna take it..."

Jun 8 @ 9:59AM  
Weelllllll, not exactly. But if that works for you, hey who am I to argue. Especially in your state of mind......ummm I mean the umm state you live in. Yeah, that's what I meant......

Jun 8 @ 10:36AM  
Sorry I couldn't help myself.

Jun 8 @ 11:34AM  
PHD means Photographically Headless Dude right?

here i thought it stood for ''purdy hard dick"

oohh damn dude ...''you got the power!!!" 'all hail pudge "

Jun 8 @ 11:45AM  
It was Ed, my mailman, and he wasn't even horny.

Now thats something i did not expect from you dad!

Jun 8 @ 3:27PM  

I can't beleave you sniffed and licked borty. Shame on you.

Jun 8 @ 8:42PM  
Yowsers ... channeling the bald bard?

Jun 9 @ 12:00AM  
I know that you said that you would pay me to give you a glowing comment on this blog not to mention extra cash for a kudo;..........but your fuckng check bounced again,so you get squat for this piece of trash.

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