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So Scared, Xrays were Revealing *tears*

posted 6/6/2007 10:19:31 PM |
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tagged: illness, doctors, xrays, scared, karma
  LadyIllusions


So I finally got into the xray to have my Upper GI Tract tests done. NOT A FUCKIN FUN TIME! I hate swallowing that chalk. That doctor had me moving around so much I thought I was gonna puke like being on a rollercoaster. However did appear that I may have a blockage leading into my pouch, which would explain why I have been suffering when I try to swallow solids. It also appeared to me that there were some lumps that are not supposed to be there.
It's funny when my dad was driving me there I was telling him how the doctor thinks I have irritable bowel syndrome. He was like "is there anything you don't have?" I was like "it is my mission in life to have an illness for each letter of the alphabet lol, just kiddin dad" I personally don't concur with that diagnoses, but whatever!
So I see Dr.Amson on friday and he will probably order a scope and hopefully the CT scan the other doctor had recommended.
Well While I was writing this my doctors office called. Surprise surprise they want to see me. That is the fastest I ever got a callback from them. Wow I am actually crying now. I don't want another surgery, I am so fricken tired of surgery.
Phil is going out after work so pretty much here on my own to sit and stew on this. I guess it couldn't happen to a better person right? I mean I must have some huge ass bad Karma out there cause bad things just always seem to happen to me.
Yes if I feel attacked I can be a huge assed vengeful bitch. If you attack me as a mother or go after the one I love God save your sorry soul because I have a bad habit of acting and saying things first and thinking later. I am not the best mom in the world. I started young and I made some huge assed mistakes but I love my babies. The ones I brought into this world and the ones I lost but never stop aching over losing.
I am trying to be strong but I am angry at those who have been telling me this has all been in my head. Probably because I am bipolar-screw you. I know when something isn't right in my body!!!
RIGHT NOW I AM SCARED I just want to know what this is and how we fight it!
For now that is all I have energy for...

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So Scared, Xrays were Revealing *tears*
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Comments:

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totallytaboo

Jun 6 @ 10:40PM  
I'm sorry you're having such a bad time. Just curious, what's a pouch?
alybai42

Jun 6 @ 11:21PM  
Here is a for you..Wish I had the right thing to say.

I hope everything turns out good for you.
hulkNpooh

Jun 6 @ 11:59PM  
hey..i know exactly how your feeling..i had all the same tests a year ago. Including an upper GI. My tests revelaed IBS...not really a big deal to me..with my meds it's easily controled. And i dont have many flare ups anymore. Not to mention i have beaten 2 cancers. Been cancer free for 7 years.

My oldest daughter has Crohns Disease. Diagnosed at 8. So, we've been dealing with a form of an IBD for 13 yrs. She has had 5 major surgery's since the age of 8. She is now 21 and doing very well. When she was from the age of 5-7....she took 22 pills a day because the Dr.'s didnt know what was wrong. She has numerous things wrong to, but no need to mention them all.

So, be strong..face this head on. Dont ask why me? Only GOD knows the answers. My daughter has asked me several times these questions, and the most heart wrenching question she has ever asked..."what did i do to deserve all these punishments"? My answer has always been..."GOD isnt punishing you, what i think, Is, this is a form of test from GOD"...and she replied..."I'm no good at tests mom you know that"...And i said.." well i think you are honey, because you are still here".

I hope your questions are answered soon. I have always hated the waiting.

Take Care

Pooh
MonkeyWoman30

Jun 7 @ 4:54AM  
I hope everything turns out alright for you dear, I will be praying for you.
Stay strong and if you KNOW something is wrong with your body - keep pushing until you find out what it is. I wish my Grandma had pushed a little harder eighteen years ago when they told her there was nothing wrong with her. She lost both her breasts and died due to breast cancer complications from all that nothing. Stay strong and don't let others bully you into thinking it's "All in Your Head". After all, just because you are paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't following you. LOL.

Regards,
Kris
scotsavant

Jun 7 @ 7:39AM  
Wow! You certainly have your hands full right now! I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

I went through a 'cancer scare' a while ago and know how heavy that burden is and how hard to carry alone. And no matter what others said in their well meaning ways, it only made it worse. All I can say is to put yourself in the hands of the doctors. Put your hopes and faith there, too. The other thing is to ask, ask, ask them all the questions you have. Tell them your concerns. Make them talk to you and tell you everything. Right now, you need all the information you can get, positive or negative, so you can fully understand and deal with whatever lies ahead. Information IS power. So is faith...and prayer does work! It worked for me, because I am now a 10 year survivor!

Praying for you! Scotty
luv2liclst

Jun 7 @ 1:37PM  
Good luck my dear...and may God bless. D.
max49

Jun 7 @ 1:55PM  
I can understand you being scared sugar. I will pray a special prayer for you and hope that everything goes well for you at your appointment.
simonprincen

Jun 7 @ 3:37PM  
Hi, Donot worry, The worst case scenario is under controll....I am a GIT doctor

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So Scared, Xrays were Revealing *tears*