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posted 6/2/2007 2:13:16 AM |
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As most of you know I've been away from the site for well over a month, going on two months almost. I'm not sure where to start, so I guess I'll just start with why I've been away, and what's been happening in my life.

First of all, I'd like to apologize to all who have emailed me on here over the past month plus, and for my not responding to anyone.

OK, back in early April, a friend of mine from my hometown had called me to tell me that a friend had lost his life. Actually he had commited suicide, and no one seen it coming, nor does anyone have any idea's as to why.

Well needless to say that hit me pretty hard, and I packed up and went back home for that weekend. And even though I did log on here, I just wasn't really in the mood to post, or to talk to, and or email anyone. I hope you'll all understand.

Then the following week was the funeral, so I again went back home for the weekend. And during those two weekends, I ran into a lot of old friends. And began to realize how much I missed my old friends, as well as how much I missed my hometown!

Anyhow, I don't want to make this long, as it's already longer than planned. So I'll try to put my last two months in a few words.

Since then life has taken on a lot of sadness, as it wasn't more than a week later I found out a fellow employee where I work was diagnosed with cancer. And it was quite bad, as she had cancer on the brain, as well as in her lungs. And it was a shock! But it was even more of a shock that she passed away only a couple of weeks ago! Lived less than a few months!

And about 2 weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that yet another fellow employee may have cancer. However, she needs to have more testing done to find out for sure if she does, and how far along it is.

And in the meantime I decided to take a little I took off to New York for a week. No reason as to why, or why New York. Only that I needed a break and to get away from everything!

So needless to say, all this has hit me pretty hard. As my friend commited suicide for some reason, a co-worker who I considered a friend, ends up with cancer...and barely lives more than a couple of months!

Which leads me to why I've not been around, even though I have logged on many times. I've just not been in the mood, not only that...but being at the age of 43, all this has really made me take a long look at my life.

I've taken a lot of time to think of where I've been, and where I'm at now, and where I'll be in the future. I have lived a fast and hard life, I've lived on the edge for many years, pretty much all my life. As I've always believed in living life to the fullest! However, I did a lot of things in my 20's-30's that would have, or at least could have killed most people. However, I'm not going to go into all that.

Now even though I've calmed down a lot over the past 10 years, I still live life on the edge. Just not as hard and fast as I once did. Anyhow, with everything that has happened over the past 2 months, I've come to realize I'm not getting any younger! And that I'm not invincible, like I've always felt I was!

Now I'm not afraid of dying, however, I guess I am afraid of getting old! Yeah, I know it sounds silly...but when you've lived how I have lived, I guess there comes a time in your life when you feel like...


So needless to say, I'm finding myself wanting to live life even more to it's fullest! And sitting on a computer isn't the way to achieve this!

But I'm back, and I plan on popping on from time to bullshit and what have you. So for those of you who are happy I've been gone, too damn bad, cuz I'm back!

And to those 1, maybe 2 people who may have actually missed need even more help than I!

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post a comment!


Jun 2 @ 2:24AM  
I admit it, I need help, I've missed you Cravey. I've wondered where you've been. Sorry to hear about all your friends, that is very sad.

I think it does us all good to take stock in our lives every once in a while and see what we can change and do differently. Some of us can change things and some of us can't. I hope now you've decided what you want out of life and go for it.

I commend you on changing your life from what it once was. I've read your stories on here and pieced it together. You sound like a wonderful man to me now. I'd be honored to know you and call you a friend. Best Wishes darlin.

Jun 2 @ 2:58AM  
Welcome back...

Jun 2 @ 7:36AM  
Welcome back. Thought the hogs ate ya.

With regards to the friend who passed away from the brain cancer...I don't know if this helps any or not but my mother had Glioblastoma Multiforme (brain cancer) and we were told the day that she was diagnosed that GBM has a less than 1% survival rate. There are new treatments since mom was diagnosed but the survival rate is still abysmally low and GBM is unfortunately extremely aggresive. Hugs. I'm sorry for your loss.

Jun 2 @ 7:53AM  
...yeah, I feel for ya. Had a friend who died of brain cancer about 10 yrs ago. Joe was a good guy and wanted to become a cop. Had just finished the accademy when he found out.

Death and suicide is never a good thing and can really make ya review yer life and find yer own mortality. Nonetheless, life does go on, so welcome back. Write a few words and have a bit of fun, bro.

Jun 2 @ 7:57AM  

Sorry to hear about what you have been going through. I have a friend now that has brain tumor's and cancer through her body. She is going downhill fast. Her doctor said it is just a matter of weeks now.

I have wondered where you have been.

Good to have to you back


Jun 2 @ 8:11AM  
Well Jeff,

I was one of those people that missed you! And Yes I need HELP!!

I am so sorry for all you have been through, but like you said, IT OPENS YOUR EYES!! No we won't live forever, so find HAPPINESS ANY WAY YOU CAN!!!

Jun 2 @ 8:23AM  
Hi CC glad to see you back, so sorry to hear about your friend and co-worker!! Take care,


Jun 2 @ 8:26AM  
well i can see where things like this become eye opening and require time to ponder things.....make sure we're on the right where we want to go.........welcome back thou...missed your humor

Jun 2 @ 11:17AM  
I know what you mean about events that change your way of thinking. When my best friend got breast cancer it really opened my eyes. I have a new motto in my life now, if I die tomorrow will this really matter? If my answer is no, then I let it go. If my answers yes, then I work it out. Otherwise I try not to let the little things weigh me down and be happy with my life. Oh, and I don't live in limbo waiting for life to happen, I enjoy what I have.

Great to see you back, and I'm sorry for all that's happened in the last couple months.

Jun 2 @ 11:27AM  
after my husband died I lived a year in the darkness just to emerge with a new found zest for life....too bad it takes experiences such as these to get us goin'....I still miss you and wish you the best~Ashley

Jun 2 @ 11:57AM  
glad to see your back ....

Jun 2 @ 1:50PM  
I see where you're coming from. Good to see you back!

Jun 2 @ 2:08PM  
Getting old SUCKS and not in a nice friendly kinda manner either.
Good to see ya Cravey.

Jun 2 @ 4:16PM  
Hi Cravey, man sorry you have had some rough montsh but it is good to see you back.

Jun 4 @ 7:08PM  
sorry to hear ! welcome back! :)

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