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My marriage is dying. :-(

posted 5/30/2007 1:07:20 PM |
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My wife is leaving me today on what she calls a trial separation. I have helped her pack and move her stuff and we both have cried and told each other this is for the best and will save our marriage. The problem is me. I have never been able to trust people that claimed they love me. It's a serious problem with paranoia and jealousy. Not jealously of her playmates. But of the ones I do not know about. The secret meetings that never really took place except in my head. I never yelled at her about any of it or anything. But I was hurting deep inside because I could not make myself believe she really and truly loves me. I do believe it now and she promised me it was not to late. I came clean for the first time to anyone about my inner demons. I told her everything I felt before and do now. The demons are not as strong as they were now. Talking about them has taken some of their power. But I am so scared and can't even bare to think what it will be like with out her here. This house is going to be so empty and lonely. No one to call to come over. No one to talk on the phone with. Just no one. I love her. I miss her. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Someone help me please save my marriage.

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My marriage is dying. :-(
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May 30 @ 1:16PM  
if you think she's fucking around on you, she probably is. listen to the demons! you can hate having them inside your head, but they"re usually right. remember the old Roy Clark song-"thank god and grayhound she's gone!!!"..

May 30 @ 1:25PM  
just give her time and keep working on your problems.telling her about them is a start but you have to be willing to share everything and most of all LISTEN to HER fears and concerns and address them also.if the love is there and you both work at it you can make it happen.

May 30 @ 1:30PM  
Open marriages can be messy, case in point. A separation is good, I had to do it with an ex-bf to see where roads led. Sometimes when you're with someone 24.7 you get the point where you just want to suffocate them and you desperately need a break. lol. I can't help ya with your marriage but growing up we'd counsel our pastor, if you're at all religious I recommend it.

May 30 @ 1:40PM  
sounds like ya have some outside fun together and your fear is of the stuff she does without you ....what this ALL boils down to is TRUST either do or you don't and TRUST is a tuff one and i can't even IMAGINE it in what sounds like an open relatioinship........seems those have to be even MORE loaded with trust to have a prayer..and i'm not sure nor have i ever been how being apart can fix something but hey i'm not a shrink .......

you have a problem with trust...has SHE ever given you ONE reason to feel she can't be trusted?

May 30 @ 1:42PM  
It sounds to me that if what you wrote is true, then you well are on your way to saving your marriage!! If you feel that you still can't trust her then you might want to go see a therapist alone and possibly together!!

May 30 @ 2:50PM  
I am a little confused here ?
You say you think your wife has been cheating but yet your here looking to meet with woman ?

So maybe your feeling guilty being here and your wife never cheated on you .

You sound very insecure and that is not a very good thing to have in a marriage or any relationship .

I think you need to go get help and learn to love yourself and not relay on other to comfort your insecurity .


May 30 @ 3:03PM  
I second montel's suggestion. Counseling is the way to go, and you should do it together. It sounds like you're able to talk amicably with each other, which is a good start, but without an independent arbiter, sometimes you can end up spinning your wheels. Also, this concept of "playmates" might not be such a good idea, but that's for you two to sort out for yourselves. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck. Work as hard as you can on the marriage; empty your tank. You may find that it rebounds stronger than it ever was.

May 30 @ 3:51PM  
I have tried to reply to everyone personally but I might have missed one and if you commented and it was not approved I just over looked it. Let me know and I'll approve it.

I'm getting help with my trust issues. Signed up for counseling today and will go in June 12 for the first time. I'm scared to death though. I ruined one marriage and I am so afraid I can not repair this one. She says we can and counseling is a start. Wish me luck.

Oh and for the record I am not still looking for women. Yes I am free to play and she even wants me too. But I'm focusing on her and may be doing that from now on.

May 30 @ 5:22PM  
you cant be free to play and try to save your marriage. focus on her playmate or romp in the sac for a one nighter or quickie is worth loosing your spouse over, ESPECIALLY if you love her and miss her already.

*pooh smacking teddybear* wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 30 @ 5:33PM  
Pray for God to show you the way.

May 30 @ 8:39PM  
if you love her and you dont want to lose her,work with her,do what it takes,bite the bullet and make yourself do it.

May 30 @ 11:43PM  
i hate to say that if you know you have trust issues and do nothing to work with your wife to resolve your issues...your marriage isnt dying, you are committing marital suicide...

May 30 @ 11:51PM  
trust is the key....1st question is: can you be trusted? Have you done what you suspect her of? If so, you must change your behavior, and come to terms with yourself, befor you can on her. If you want her back, focus on your demons, and remember...What she does now is not your bussiness! don't hold it against her...cowboy up dude! And for the record, I'm NOT tryin to beat you up, This is what I would do to save my marriage...REMEMBER, a marriage is NOT 50/50, it's 100% unselfish love, and commitment. The trick is to "SURENDER" to one another. I know, that pill is tuff to swallow. Good luck. D.

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My marriage is dying. :-(