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Getting Married

posted 5/29/2007 10:40:28 AM |
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I've spent the last 2 weeks in parental hell, th4 one place that I've managed to get to twice since running off for the east coast. All I can say now is the distance is still too short. I should have been a psych major, but I'm afraid my own brain would explode over the realization that my family is a bunch of nut jobs. I've pictured the perfect family a few times, it's not something I often dwell on, but I have my own ideals of what a family should be. A mother would be round, she'd wear slippers with the plastic on the bottom and assume that would make them a shoe and wear them in public, she'd wear floral print dresses that did nothing to compliment her figure, she'd have the soft and flabby arms that felt like velvet, and she'd always smell like chocolate chip cookies. A father would be stern yet loving, he'd tell me I could always do better yet smile at how far I've come, he'd take me out back and shoot hoops after a home cooked meal, and he'd give me the keys to a car on my 16th birthday, change the oil for me whenever I needed, and cry a little as I drove away in it on my way to college. Siblings are just an after thought. But a brother and sister that played nice with the only silly fighting over the remote or who gets to take the car to the drive in on Friday's.

To me that would be perfect, a family with mild psychosis, but I'm afraid life is not that simple. My mother is a chain smoking gambler, she's addicted to prescription pain killers and addicted to cleanliness. She is 110 lbs max and can fit into children's sizes, she loves me, yes.. but the love she offers is something Dr.Phil would raise an eyebrow at. My father is a work-a-holic, an asshole at best, he loved me until I hit puberty and after the only bonding experience we had was working on cars, it ended as soon as we left the garage. My sister is a compulsive liar with multiple kids by multiple men, she is selfish and only makes choices that benefit her, yet, she still remains the perfect child and I cannot put any more energy into making my family proud.

I wonder what my husband would be like, what kind of mother and wife I'd be, and how much I'd scar whatever children I bring into the world. They asked me on my trip home if I had met anyone. They aren't pushing any more grandchildren but they do want to see some male involvement that proves I'm not a lesbian. They do not realize how much an education means to me, yet my father found it prudent to tell me my tattoos will only hurt me when it comes to finding employment. They want me to move home, I thought it over and I have a life here for myself. It's not very stable, I'm a broke college student with credit cards soon to the max, and they told me they cannot help my finances anymore. I don't think I've been completely cut off, but I realize their contribution to my cause will be significantly less. I have the reasoning that my mother wants me to find a man, get married and have him care for me, because the thought of me doing it myself seems much to absurd. So here is my question for this week, who wants to get married?

SO...... this is everything I've been up to. Thank you for the emails to all the regulars and non. I wish I could have kept an eye on everything but it doesnt seem like I've missed much.

Edit:::: Despite the down tone of the blog I am insanely happy and have a full schedule for the summer! :)

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May 29 @ 11:43AM  
I use to say that i couldnt figure out my family until i heard the term dysfunctional and i said OMG thats my family. I have come to believe that is most families. The one thing i have done for my children is not try to pull the bullshit into our relationship that my family did to me. My kids call me for advice but know that i will only give suggestions based on how i would handle it and leave thier choices up to them. And i always back them up even when wrong choices are made because they were brave enough to make those choices themselves. Am i the perfect mother, NO WAY, but maybe i am a better mother because i wanted them to do better than i did. You will find your way in your own time. You will be the mother that you want to be. As for the tatoo's so many people have them nowadays that people dont even care. You are a very intelligent Lady and you will do well with your life.

May 29 @ 12:05PM  
great blog! it takes courage to share the things u did. u can marry my son and we'll open a tattoo parlor lol. peace

May 29 @ 12:06PM  
Search you soul and than decide if you want to get married. Do not get married because that is what others want. I agree with Looking's on

I have come to believe that is most families.
You are not the only one.

May 29 @ 12:08PM  
i hardly think that another person will complete the mess that you for yourself first, become who you want to be, one step at a time...

May 29 @ 12:23PM  
do i want to get married yes I do. But not for a man to support me financally. I do pretty good on my own. I want the emotional support of a marriage. You take your time honey and don't let anyone rush you into anything YOU don't want!

May 29 @ 12:23PM  
As for that dysfunctioanl family, I think it is more rare anymore to have a normal famly.
When and/or if you have children you will bring to them what you want, knowing the mistakes of how you grew up.And the hurt it caused. We either continue a cycle or we break it. It is our choice.
And your life choices are now your own, regardles of what anyone else wants or thinks you should do. You working that hard at your education is something to be proud of.
Glad that with that minor set back you are still doing well and looking forward to your summer. Best wishes..........

May 29 @ 12:43PM  
Don't get married. Keep getting your education. In your parents past, tatoos on women were a no no. This is your world today. And things have changed. DO NOT GIVE INTO WHAT THEY WANT. You have chosen the best path. It will be hard on you, but, you can make it.

May 29 @ 1:34PM  
I gather from your words that this comment is something you already know. But, I'll say it just in case.....


Money is a replenishable resource, knowledge must be learned over time. Seeking a husband now will only imprison you to live at that level for the rest of your life. Your parents are just fearfull of your well being. Don't let their fears dictate your future for you.

Greatness comes from great sacrifice.

May 29 @ 3:13PM  
So here is my question for this week, who wants to get married?

well if your asking...ummm do you have gainfull employement my mom wouldn't want me to marry a bum....n my granny always told me its easy to fall in love with a rich woman as easy as a poor one....opps sorry i got confused..scratch all that umm married...YES........but ..if your proposing your gona have to take me out first even as cute n well versed as you are

ok ok..i'm TRYIN to be for real here but shit this is ME......i think your blog is VERY insightfull to who you are and who you're likely to become......VERY hats off for your insightfullness and the guts to type it an put it out here.....i think your gona do JUST FINE

May 29 @ 3:26PM  
So here is my question for this week, who wants to get married?

I already let people know I was poly. YOU'RE the one who says you don't want to get serious right now!

May 29 @ 3:55PM  
You're really introspective, and that's a great start. You're not doomed to scar your progeny (or your marriage) just because you might not have the ideal parent models for reference. If you really wanted to get the competitive edge on family dynamics, you could consider preemptive counseling! ... I'm only half-joking.

As for weaning yourself... the greater the stake your parents own in you, the less autonomy you have. It sounds like you're doing great--keep up the intellectual enrichment, and keep a safe distance from your support network without shutting them out. Easier said than done...

At any rate, good luck with everything!

May 29 @ 6:08PM  
Sounds like you've been getting some good advice from the people who posted before me. Don't know that I could add much, but here is my .02 cents worth. Get a job, pay your credit cards down as you try to support yourself, limit your contact with your parents, do what makes you happy and don't worry about anyone else, but don't become your sister. In time, find someone that makes you happy, fall in love, live together to see if you can still like each other after living together, get married if you want, if not, skip that part. Get a dog, if you don't loose, kill, or abuse it, you'll know you are ready for a child. Do the best you can do and live a long and somewhat happy life. It's all we can do.

May 29 @ 9:52PM  
I want to get married but have a 50/50 in the take to support someone for school for awhile is fine or if the love one is hurt but to take care all everything is so uncool yet I see it in a lot of my friends relationship. I know mine never last that long for reasons there so many but in the end it would be nice to fine someone that I click with forever....

May 29 @ 10:22PM  
Statistically, the probability that you have just presaged your future is high.

As for education, that is a choice, as many people with little education have become successful in their chosen fields. It is up to you and, if, as you say, education is important to you, then you should pursue that path as the journey may lead you away from your probable future and into the future you envisage.

May 30 @ 10:58AM  
A woman I wanted to marry once told me this (clipped from something she wrote):

When I first moved to suburbia, I used to walk past all the beautiful homes with their perfect lawns and imagined that the life behind those doors was as perfect as the grass in front of them. Once my cancer became known to others, people began to share their own painful stories. Behind every door, there is some struggle because life is a struggle. For everyone.

There are no perfect families, only human ones. You sound like a terrific person. Best of luck.

Jun 6 @ 8:31PM  
It's impossible to please your family. Trust me, I've tried. Just do what makes you happy and fuck the rest of it.

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Getting Married