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And now, a message from Troll Killers, Inc.......

posted 5/18/2007 12:18:13 PM |
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tagged: joke, rant, irony

*deetda deetdeetdeetdadettdadeeeettttt....* (Teletype machine )


This just in from the Troll Killer labs...
After exhaustive research and potential loss of life and limb, the scientists at Troll Killer Labs have made a new discovery....*Deetda Deet deeeeet....*
It seems the trolls are mutating and have since spawned a new species, hereafter identified as a "Sniper Troll."
After untold man hours of surveillance ( and a few good shots with electro prods ), they have determined some of their M.O. and habits, which includes...

1. Posting on blogs and forums in general nonsense form, making sense to no one but themselves.

2. Same as above, but posting in such a manner as to attack the OP or another comment made.

3. While it is well known any species of troll do not have the intelligence to pour piss out of a boot, some have made attempts to be "scientific" and post long assorted bits of scientific jargon in a comment, but having no real relevance to the topic.This is usually copy and pasted when that occurs, thereby stolen from someone who is of real intelligence in order to make themselves look smarter in a pathetic attempt to blend in.

4. Another well noted new habit is of overstating the obvious or using tired old lines already noted by hundreds of ads viewed in all media forms and in the wrong applications.
(serious public service announcements on a joke blog, for example )
This is attributed to their decided lack of intelligence causing inability to "catch up" with modern day jargons.

5. Sniper trolls will go out of their way to disrupt all forms of blogs, but they find joke blogs and serious discussions blogs the most delectable.They will do all in their power to piss all over those kinds before consuming. Although don't be fooled, they will attempt to consume all forms of topics if given a chance.


With no other recourse in the forums other than all ignoring the offending troll, that treatment stays the same. However, the scientists at Troll Killer labs have come up with a new treatment for the blog variety:

1. Move your mouse pointer down near the troll, but be careful when in close proximity. We remind all that we don't know where one has been and its very well known they roll in armadillo shit before stalking websites. Industrial rubber gloves are also recommended.

2. Locate the trash can icon which should be immediately to the right of the troll, again USE ALL CAUTION when in close proximity, trolls are fast, have sharp teeth and no shot records.

3. Place your pointer over the trash can icon and click firmly. this will deposit the troll securely into the trash can. ( Don't worry, Oscar doesn't mind, he thinks trolls are crunchy and good with catsup ) .

4. Repeat if necessary, due to the data that has been revealed that trolls clone themselves often. Continue until all trolls have been purged from your blog.

5. Give yourself a sigh of relief and relax in the good feeling you have done your part in ridding the world of another POS troll.

*Known Side Effects*

On occasion, trolls have evolved themselves to the level of actually being able to send messages and sometimes they attempt to send one to you after the purge.
This is 99% likely to contain all manner of filth and insults, but never fear this can also be purged.

Response is as follows:

1. Remain calm.

2. Copy the offending message.

3.. Locate the "block" button, and click it firmly.

4. Locate and press the report abuse button and explain the situation. Paste the message into the reply box if possible. then forward their message to Admins.

All done!!!! Kudos to you for your part in keeping the world safe from nasty stinky trolls!!!


And remember, I'm not just the President, I'm also a member....

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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post a comment!


May 18 @ 12:26PM  
Excellent; kudo for you.

May 18 @ 12:33PM  
Ummmm yeah except I wasn't all that careful, despite your gracious warnings and I
ummmm... this is embarrasing... I ummmmm... got bit... on the ankle... now what do I do?

May 18 @ 12:33PM  
just need a fly swater for some minor bugs and we can clean this place up .........

*ponders if DK is hiring part time patrols*

May 18 @ 12:37PM  
Very sorry to have to break the news to you, pudge...
We're gonna have to amputate. Everyone hold him down while I find my old hacksaw....

Ynot, your hired, get to work immediately.
Here's your troll beater stick, stomper boots and electro prod, recharge every 12 hrs. And I want tasers on full charge...

May 18 @ 12:56PM  
Here's your troll beater stick, stomper boots and electro prod, recharge every 12 hrs. And I want tasers on full charge...

YEAHHHHH cool tools...and a utility belt and and prestige....damn with a uniform i'd be unstoppable with da' women
*checks tools and the charge on taster and heads off to patrole*

May 18 @ 1:10PM  
As the enemy evolves, so must we! Continued perseverance and a confident morale will ensure the success of the Troll-Hunters League.

I seem to have dropped my troll repellent, who picked it up?

May 18 @ 1:13PM  

Send another Wanna F email.

May 18 @ 1:17PM  
Hey Band, you dropped this...

Troll Spray

Please be more careful in the future, we don't want that falling into troll hands...

May 18 @ 1:31PM  
you all are so think i'll keep all the troll patrol happy in my room for their breaks

May 18 @ 2:33PM  
kudo my friend

May 18 @ 4:40PM  

May 18 @ 5:24PM  
Don't nobody better kill my new friend!

heem lik wot i maid fo shew an wan fo mi to steek mi deek ina bendum down backside

May 18 @ 7:20PM  
Too funny. Btw, who's the latest troll that's been causing problems on here?

May 18 @ 8:58PM  
I have my finger on the block button as we speak!

May 18 @ 8:58PM  
Oh I almost forgot Kudos

May 19 @ 10:03AM  
kudo dk!!

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And now, a message from Troll Killers, Inc.......