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Confessions of a Call Screener...

posted 5/17/2007 2:30:17 PM |
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Some of you may be aware that I picked up a side job as call screener for a popular Local radio talk show on FM69 WCNU.

You might have seen the excerpts from the show, but those are just snippets of a much longer program. In fact most of what airs does not make it to the recaps, good as the recaps are.

The following will not likely ever make it those highlights so I'm letting you all in on some of the background workings of the show. Please don't tell my boss, he's a little high strung, and he may not look on this kindly.

It was a particularly slow day, the majority of callers we just average folks calling in to worship the host... "Tell him I think he's the GREATEST EVER!" type calls. I gotta let those through in moderation or he get's all geeked up and starts making FCC violations... So sensing there was a bit of a lull going on I took the oportunity to call one of those "900" numbers... you know the ones. Used the station credit card, they got plenty of petty cash... and got connected with "Tracy". She had a pretty sultry voice and was obviously very good at her job. "What's your name?" she purred... "William..." I stammered a bit, her voice was hot! I asked her to hold on a sec, she told me it was my money, so it was my time and she would hold.

I hit the feed to the host's headset...

me - Boss! Boss! I got a hot one on line three, she says she wants to be your sexetary!

HOST - Damnit Pudge! You know good and well I already have the world's best lady for that job!!!

me - I know boss... It just seems like the show is dragging a bit right now.

HOST - Remind me to kick you later! Put her through!

** I patch the call into the show **

HOST - Hey there sweetheart I hear you're looking for a job!

Tracy - Mmmm yes honey, whatever you have in mind...

HOST - Well I am looking for a sexetary, do you take dicktation?

Tracy - Mmmmmm honey, I'm open to everything and I'm a very hard worker..

HOST - *hits the off-air feed to me* Damnit Pudge! She sure is a live one!

HOST - Well honey that makes two of us! Are you aware of the dress code?

Tracy - They always ask that... Honey I'm not wearing anything! In fact I'm lying here on my bear skin rug naked! Playing with my hot... wet... PUSS>>>

HOST - *hits the off-air feed again* Damnit Pudge!! What the fuck did you do! she can't say that shit on radio!!

Tracy - In fact, I've got two fingers inside and I'm rubbing my cli.....

HOST - *On air and in my ear* HIT THE BUTTON HIT THE BUTTON!!!

Me - Yes Boss!!!!

Tracy - Oooooooooo I am lover I am!!!!

HOST - *still on air* Damnit Pudge!!! What have you done!! We're fucked now! that all went out on air!!!

me - Sir we ran out of delay 10 seconds ago.

HOST - Well... You don't have to remind me to kick you anymore. I'm pretty sure I can remember all by myself now. Well folks that's all the time we have for today's show hopefully we'll be back tommorrow... To my love I'd like to say I'm sure sorry. To my call screener I'd like to say, you're sure gonna be!....

And that pretty much sums up one of the best days at work I ever had.

Please tune into the show... you never know what's gonna happen.

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post a comment!


May 17 @ 2:38PM  
Dad You did it again.

May 17 @ 2:55PM  
Howard Stern beware.....

May 17 @ 3:09PM  
LMAO...Go Pudge Go.

May 17 @ 4:22PM  
If I ever stop laughing.... I'll give a retort
awe fuck it kid you get this too

May 17 @ 4:55PM  

May 17 @ 5:32PM  
PMSL great anarchic view

May 17 @ 5:35PM  
But Pu uu uuudge... I didn't WANNA be Canu's Sexatary.. he arready has one.. I wanted to be Yoooooooooooooours!

May 17 @ 8:11PM  
Now the student has become the teacher. A fucking worthless kudo to you my friend.

May 24 @ 4:20PM  
Damn! I wish I'd have thought of something like that when I was working at a radio station! Our boss was something of a tight ass and it would have been too damn funny to pull something like that on him! Way to go! I'd give you two kudo's if I was allowed to!

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Confessions of a Call Screener...