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Why does it have to be so HARD?

posted 5/17/2007 12:13:40 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: sex, love, relationships

Well, I wonder. I think I filled my profile out very plainly. I explained what I was looking for in no uncertain terms. I am looking for, very specifically, a 'best friend with benefits'.

I am happily married with two and a half children and I intend to stay that way. I have a very busy life and to say the very least, I cannot be here on the computer twelve hours out of twenty four of every day. I have a (nearly) three year old daughter who demands my constant attention. Now that it's summertime I spend most of my days out doors with her. What, I am supposed to let her sit inside and watch cartoons while it's 90 degrees, just so I can talk to someone I find interesting online? No. I won't do that. I think I posted that I could only 'Monkey Around' at appointed dates and times. I work two twelve hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday so spending all weekend on the internet is basically out as well.

I've given people I am interested in-and that claim to be interested in me- my phone number. but I seem to be the only one doing any calling. Granted, they will call me back if I call them, but they never pick up the phone and dial to say hello. I would think if they were genuinely interested they'd telephone me once in a while, especially since I told them that they can call me at ANY TIME. I have had these 'best friends with benefits' in the past and we didn't spend every single day talking to each other, in fact we only went out twice a week when it was convenient for the two of us. That was nice. They understood that my life demands my nearly constant attention. Even my best friend (w/out benefits, she is straight) isn't over here every day. I only talk to her on the phone once a week or so. Doesn't change the fact that if it was plausible I'd do anything for her.

Yet when I'm not on here three or four days a week talking with some of these people, they believe I have lost interest or they lose interest themselves. I haven't lost interest - not at all! I'd love to get to know some of them better, but it has to be understood my family and children and work - and my husband - they demand my time! I treasure the moments I can spend with my online friends, some I would desperately like to meet in person. Even if I COULD sit in this chair twelve hours a day, I doubt I would. I am six months pregnant and I have things I must do to take care of me as well.

Maybe I am asking to much to not want these ladies to want me to make them my number one priority. The fact is, they never would be. Not even my HUSBAND is my number one priority. In fact he is often left on the back burner of my things - and people (lol) to do list because there are twelve thousand other things for the kids, the job, the school, and such that must come first. He's always been supportive and understanding. Maybe it's too much to ask of someone else to be the same way. I don't know. I'm not looking to fall in love with anyone, although that is a real possibility, because when I do find the time to give of myself I give it ALL, freely, passionately, deeply.

And that just makes this bisexual/polyamorous thing DAMN HARD.


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post a comment!


May 17 @ 12:24PM  
So what are you saying? We can't be together 24/7? Just kidding sugar. It does sound as if you have your hands full.

May 17 @ 12:25PM  
Its the hard that makes it great!


Master Gry

May 17 @ 8:30PM  
Because the human attention span is about forty-sev

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Why does it have to be so HARD?