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The Breast of Thymes (Part One)

posted 5/12/2007 12:40:52 AM |
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Ladies and gentlemen of AMD, but mostly the ladies and even then I really mean the semi-nude ones...mostly[I], the following blog iz being presented in several parts, due 2 the enormous amount of shit I have 2 say about this here particular subject. (Normally, I would advise saying fuck it, and skipping this one altogether, but this iz one of those rare instances that I show U some of the real me, so U may be interested in reading on) The [I]exact[I] number of parts iz unknown at this time, as it has yet 2 be written, however I estimate the final number 2 be somewhere in the vicinity of twenty seven hundred. U know...give or take a baker’s dozen. Of course, other reports do have that number down around two, so I guess we’ll have 2 wait and see. But really...izn’t that part of the fun? The not knowing? Part of...[I]the thrill of it all?[I] U know it iz...U sick fuck! All of U are a bunch of deviant, sexual perverts...and I love U 4 it! Each and every one of U sick fucks...well...except the fucking bitch, but he should have given up reading this by now, what with no mention of the joys of jerking off N2 Silly Putty or anything like that (Pudge2you just looked up and said, “Silly wha- who?”) yeah...I love all of U. I’m even willing 2 prove it 2 some of U (dumblonde). I don’t want 2 name names (tlc0766), becuz I think that (PrincessKissy) would just be rude (LadieDarkStarr) and I like 2 think (featherone) I wuz raised (belle1010) better than (Looking4ever) that! Someone has 2 set some kind of standard of decency around here. And if that someone turns out 2 be me it’ll make Caligula look like Cinemax late night soft core, but that’s’ll be fun. trust me...c’mon. U know U wanna...

2 paraphrase some dead English cat (I know his name, but I’m not giving it up. Go talk 2 Argit01. If he thinks his Limey brethren deserves credit he’ll pass it along 2 ya. If U strike out there, U could always petition Tony Blair. I understand he’s got some free time on his hands), it wuz the best of times – it wuz the fucking worst of times. It’s as bad as it can possibly be and still be good, I guess. Wow...that sounds totally insane. Even 4 me, that’s just...damn.

What I am trying 2 say, somewhat ineptly, iz that something great iz happening 2 me in the worst possibly way that it can. That sucks, but at least something great iz happening. It could just suck, U know? That happens far more often than this fucking duz, that’s 4 goddamned sure. And we are. Strange...izn’t it?

Maybe I should tell U what the fuck I’m talking about. That might just serve 2 shed some light on what the fuck I’m talking about. Although, I have 2 admit I am enjoying teasing U with it. Put it in just a little bit, take it back out, rub it around a little, put it back in – not 2 much, back it out real slow, rub it around, put it back in – THAT”S MY ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!

But I digress, whatever that means. I should probably look this shit up B4 I just throw it out there willy-nilly, huh? 4 all I know [I]2 digress
might fucking mean blowing drunken Irishmen. “A fine lassie, she could digress me 4 hours at a time!” It works if U do it with the accent. Really, I swear. Go on...try it again. See? What did I tell U? That’s funny fucking shit right there.

Ok...maybe not so much. But it izn’t from a fucking lack of effort, I can tell U that. In fact, just about the only thing I have put more effort N2 iz avoiding the point of this fucking blog. It amazes me that I have managed 2 get this far N2 it by simply weaving 2gether a combination of bad jokes and bullshit, without ever actually touching on the reason I sat down 2 write this motherfucker 2 begin with. That should show all U non-believers out there just how hard I am willing 2 work at staying sick. If that izn’t sexy, I don’t know what iz. (I’ll bet U that PrincessKissy and Looking4ever are mailing me their panties as we speak...)

What I am trying 2 talk about iz my kid. I just found her after having lost her 4 twelve years. Turns out she wuz behind the couch this whole time. No...seriously. Her mother decided she knew better than the courts and deprived me of her 4 over a decade. I haven’t seen her since she wuz three years old. I recently found her via the internet (I give a fuck what anyone says...MySpace fucking rocks!) and we have been e-mailing back and forth 4 about a month (Great fucking time 2 lose the internet, huh?). She finally shoots me the number and I call, right? Her mother gets on the fucking phone and iz immediately fucking pissed off at me. I literally have not spoken 2 this woman in twelve fucking years. How can we still be in a fight? Iz that even fucking possible? If so, shouldn’t I have been notified by mail, or something? What’s the fucking procedure here? Who’s got the goddamned book?

2 be continued...or not. I don’t know. I’m still not convinced any of U fuckers go read part two anyway. Nobody gives a fuck. Ur all fucking bastards.

Keeping U posted


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May 12 @ 12:56AM  
And you are one of us after all

May 12 @ 1:14AM  
My advice to you is to wake up; it's just a fucking bad dream.Fuck, the wrong blog again, need more vicodin.

May 14 @ 11:00AM  
“Silly wha- who?”

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The Breast of Thymes (Part One)