It's kind of wierd... you know the saying "you always hurt the ones you love." And... well, you look at other people and see the stress that they cause for their friends and you look at that person and you think to yourself. "wow, I'll never be like that." Then, months later, you end up doing the same thing. (Like I did a few nights ago.)
It's not intentional. It never is. It's just... something that happens. You accidentally say something wrong, or you get tired and you say something insensitive.
What's striking me as odd though, is why is it I'm noticing that these friends I have are willing to forgive each other and myself for something really bad, and yet, I've seen marriages fall apart before my very eyes over stupidly simple things? Maybe i'm just old-fashioned here, but I always thought marriage was supposed to be stronger than friendship.
Mmmh... well... just looking at these two different things just has a real profound effect on me right now... makes me stop to think and resolve not to risk throwing my friendships away foolishly again.
I guess forgiveness really is key in any relationship.
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| Friends. Such a wonderful thing. |
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Looking4ever
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May 11 @ 4:18AM
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Yeah it is. And not allowing your interpretation of things said keep you from seening what was meant. And saying, "Sorry, I was wrong."
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lintroller
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May 11 @ 6:44AM
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Ditto what looking said, and I'll add that stepping up to be the FIRST to say sorry is a hugely underappreciated step toward rapprochement.
As for this comment:
I always thought marriage was supposed to be stronger than friendship. ... well, it's certainly a more profound connection. But in marriage, two people become so entangled with each other in every way, that each constantly exposes vulnerabilities to the other. That's a setup for getting hurt if someone isn't careful with words, or action, or... inaction. With friends, on the other hand, there are usually more boundaries, and hence more lines of defense to keep from getting hurt. But, sadly, I've seen strong friendships end over what seems like pettiness, too.
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Ewe_Wish
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May 11 @ 8:34AM
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I've seen marriages fall apart before my very eyes over stupidly simple things? The stupid things are the only things you saw, no one can say why other peoples marriages break up because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. i once knew a woman who i thought had a wonderful marriage, her husband was nice and sweet and so good looking, he bought her all the right clothes and cars and whatever. He was always so loving to her in public and than she filed for divorce. We couldnt believe it what an idiot. A couple years later he remarried. 3 months later he was a widow. He killed his wife by beating her to death. Apparently this man was a control freak. He did buy his first wife and second for that matter the right clothes and right car, stuff he picked out. She was allowed to do what he wanted her to do, nothing that she wanted. When she had enough she walked. To bad the second one didnt too. Its easy for us to look in the windows and say wow what an awesome marriage but unless we are inside that home we have no idea what its really like.
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veeruinus
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May 11 @ 10:40AM
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Its true. But there is a limit as to how much someone can take. When someone crosses that line, the relationship starts to take a dive right there. And then no amount of apologies even if it is heartfelt makes it difficult to cope out of it. Its sad but true as well. 
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Giggl_Sprite
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May 11 @ 11:21AM
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I guess forgiveness really is key in any relationship. Forgiveness and communication. People sometimes can be so afraid to open up because of repercussions but, if you want a relationship of any kind you have to communicate. And if you don't communicate how can you forgive?
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TheOya
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May 11 @ 5:32PM
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Updated blog settings. Didn't know I had it set to only friends! *head-desk*
Forgiveness and communication
That's how I hurt this friendship in the first place. I said something stupid to someone else, while the third friend wasn't there. If I just talked to them both at the same time, all that garbage could have been avoided. I definitely need to communicate more.
3 months later he was a widow. He killed his wife by beating her to death. Apparently this man was a control freak.
Ugh. This happens disturbingly often. I've already met three women who've had husbands that are abusive controll freaks like that. Never had someone beat their wife to death on me, but there were definite bruises and bloody noses.
But in marriage, two people become so entangled with each other in every way, that each constantly exposes vulnerabilities to the other.
Which is why I'd imagine that people in a marriage would be amazingly forgiving of one another. Also, that's why you spend time with the lover before you marry him or her too. You learn those vulnerabilities and how to not rub those sore spots. In theory anyways. Heh. I'm finding that this is all very easy to say but I imagine it's much harder to put into practice too.
For the complexity though that all this discussion presents, there are some simple matters though. Don't beat your wife. How hard is that to follow? *shrugs* I'm willing to go out on a limb here and say I'm a stable enough individual not to do something like that, ever.
Physical hurting is easy for me to avoid. All I just need to do is work on how tactful I am with my words.
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Looking4ever
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May 11 @ 6:17PM
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You learn those vulnerabilities and how to not rub those sore spots. In theory anyways.
In theory is correct. Too often, because one knows those vulnerabilities, it is too easy to 'go in for the kill' when fighting, arguing, divorce, etc. Often we tend to forget what a precious gift it is that someone lets us in far enough to know those things.
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lintroller
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May 11 @ 10:53PM
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As before, looking is totally on the money. It may sound counterintuitive to the uninitiated... but lord knows it's the truth. People who care deeply for each other have the most complex relationships of all, requiring the most effort of all.
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