I'll be seeing her again posted 5/6/2007 7:58:44 AM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

CallMePC

Hmmm...I'd better drink my coffee and get a bath and a shave. I'll be having a memorable day today, and I won't be at my best unless I'm fully awake.

Twenty-some years ago I was very stuck on a young woman (friend of the family) who seemed like everything I could want in a partner. Unfortunately, while she had a crush on my best friend (who reciprocated) she never regarded me with anything stronger than kind regard. When I fully realized the situation was hopeless and had overcome my time of self-doubt, I resolved to make every effort to succeed the NEXT time I felt that way about a woman.

For her part, the woman of my desire never did quite get together with my friend, but she did find a husband not too long afterward. He represented everything she wanted at the time...until she soon discovered that the traits she wanted were not as important as she'd expected. Having reassessed her own wants and needs, her next choice was much closer to her underlying values; I was amused and pleased to observe that the man she chose to marry was FAR closer to my own personality than her first husband. And I wasn't envious of the situation, because I was still busy remodelling myself.

The process took years, but I worked to strip away layers of defensiveness and verbal combativeness (in college I pretty much never lost an argument...but later I realized the point is to maintain a conversation, not to "win"), build up my skills, and balance my attitudes. The next woman I met who seemed to have the same sparkle and humor and verve...fell in love with me almost instantly. It never would have been possible without that early disappointment; if I hadn't decided to look for things in myself to "fix," I dunno where I'd be today. And of course the process goes on; without constant striving, there is no satisfaction for me.

In a few hours my nephew and I will go over to our family friend's house and help her move a bunch of her second ex-husband's stuff out of her garage. Although he was a better match for her, he didn't have what it takes to construct a proper marriage; maybe if he'd had to handle some bigger disappointments in his life, he'd have developed the right attitudes and skills...he's certainly going to get his chance in the near future. As for her and me...well, it's definitely not the right time for her to think about romance. Frankly, I don't think it could ever work out that way between us, no matter what my feelings once were; I'm a lot more valuable as a friend today than I ever was as a starry-eyed college lad. When she sees me today, she will look upon me as she always has: a helpful, wise-cracking old pal.

I'm just hoping she doesn't look too closely into my eyes.

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Blogs by CallMePC: In the back of my mind... I'll be seeing her again