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Broken.

posted 5/5/2007 10:36:46 PM |
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  cutecarrie6969

I’m rather dismayed. Dejected. Depressed. Down. Disappointed. Its been hard the past several months on AMD. The blogs have gone to shit, which would be fine, but my pillar of support has disappeared into the night, I fear to never return. I feel I have been abandoned by the real reason I am still on AMD. So, even without my boo around, I have still kept an interest in the blogs, but that just makes me want to cry. The level of nonsense and “tomfoolery” has not increased in a long time, but the consistency of it has worn down everyone. There are only a few kinds of blogs nowadays. There are the blogs everyone is sick and tired of, the wanna fuck blogs and the troll blogs and the fighting blogs and the why doesn’t (insert complaint) blogs. I could deal with these because there were still tons of great blogs out there. But I feel that these blogs have morphed into nothing but satire on the shitty blogs, or other similar complaints, which, although they are well written and good, only serve to compound the problem and remind everyone of the downward spiral, which only add fuel to the fire that is burning our haven down around our heads. This just adds to the problem. I have tried to stay optimistic, but I feel that even I have lost my positive outlook. I have suggested remedies, such as writing well to lead by example, but I cannot practice what I preach for several reasons. I am extraordinarily busy in the real world, leaving little time for creativity. I am sill too timid and shy to really put myself out there on a consistent basis. I am only an average writer who needs inspiration to write anything good, but the inspiration doesn’t come much these days. I thought that maybe the bloggies would make everyone happy about blogs again, get people involved again, bring out the best in people again and most importantly, get people to visit the past and look at quality again. But alas, this too has failed me. Sure, people said “fun idea” the day I posted it, but there has been no mention of it by anyone since. Another “fun idea” lost in time and space. I asked my friends to advertise the bloggies, but then Canu posted his observation, which although it was not his usual rhetoric, spoke his usual volumes and laid the sight bare for everyone to see, and I think his blog broke my spirit. It was dead on. It was dejecting. It was dismaying. It was depressing. It was a real downer. It really disappointed me. Not only did it remind me and everyone on the site all too clearly what here is wrong, but in his blog he, I felt (my opinion and feelings only), essentially stomped out the bloggies. He said there really wasn’t a point to them, which may be true, but hell, can’t we believe? Can’t we have fun? Can’t we try? I guess not. I’m not blaming Canu for anything. I’m not attacking him or anything of the sort. He just happens to be an example of my frustration. My frustration. That’s all this really is, is a vent for my frustration. I’ll cheer up later, but right now I am at the pinnacle of apathy. The perfect time to bare my soul and share my feelings. This negativity. The only thing that may be read. But alas, there is no fight here, so no one but a select few will read this at all, or so is the common belief around here. We really should just all give up. The is no point. There is no hope. Fuck this, I really am close to quitting. Ha, I’m full of shit, I won’t quit, I’m too naïve, ignorant, optimist, inexperienced, stupid and young to quit. I don’t know any better. Fucking learned helplessness, eh. Oh well, a few people are going to read this, they will want to leave a comment about cheering me up or maybe they will agree with me….or not. I’m not sure anymore. It seem that when I start the grasp things lately, it turns out that I don’t get them after all. I’m going to stop rambling now. I bet this message will have less than 100 views. This really sucks thinking like this. I wish I were a better, more capable, stronger person. I wish…..but I am broken.

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Comments:

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canuhelpme258

May 5 @ 10:51PM  
Hang on because now that my op ed on fakes and phonies was done, I'm taking humor to a new level...

I had to speak my mind on that subject because no one would when I tried to bring it up eons ago.....

btw which category does this one you wrote fall under
Ewe_Wish

May 5 @ 11:02PM  
people said “fun idea” the day I posted it, but there has been no mention of it by anyone since.
excuse me, but i did mention them in my weekly review this week. Now im sorry that i didnt mention them last week, where was my fucking head, but i happen to be looking forward to them and even been perusing the old blogs. Now get out of yourself and LETS HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN!! thank you that was my rant for the day.

cutecarrie--dont let anything get you down hun life can be fun even if we have to work at it.
sumdaysoon

May 5 @ 11:18PM  
carrie........go read absurd again.........
LilGriz

May 5 @ 11:20PM  
Hope this will cheer you up, oh cute one . It seems that when I need some cheering up and wicked banter, I usually head for the forums. There seems to be many of the old members on there that I rarely see on the blogs anymore. There also seemed to be an escape of fun people that got tired of the pissing matches. Well, F*** it all, as we can still have some fun
kozmik_wave

May 6 @ 12:03AM  
please don't tell me you take ANY of this seriously...
bentan

May 6 @ 12:40AM  
I will just say: for everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun. If it isn't the right time, and the mood isn't there, there's no sense in forcing it.

It isn't hopeless though. On the very day "World War III" broke out I too felt sick of all the nonsense and posted a blog about why I loved music and how it shielded me from all the negativity. Some number of people commented on that and resonated with what I felt. That to me was sufficient and satisfying, to know that some people shared something that I loved.
canuhelpme258

May 6 @ 12:56AM  
Okay everyone in favor of just making ONE blog the chat room stick a body part in the air... I'm to wore out to blog hop!
bentan

May 6 @ 2:16AM  
Would a finger do ... it's been up for some months now.
wtxman

May 6 @ 8:44AM  
I must not be on this site,cause I'm having lots of fun,and really like the blogs of late I prefer to see the glass half full( of rot gut whiskey).
lintroller

May 6 @ 12:46PM  
Everything's cyclical in this world, even the AMD blogosphere. All of your favorite themes will ebb and flow as people's creative juices slow to a trickle and later flood forth. In the meantime, Mahatma Gandhi might say:

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Pudge2you

May 7 @ 9:19AM  
Oh no you freaking don't!!! Don't care if you don't have time! This means you don't have time to give up! You didn't let me leave, (and that really would have made Canu happy....) You can't go now you're stuck here with the rest of us until we figure it out!

Hell i got freaking nominated! you can't quit now!!! What about MEEEEEEE!!!!

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