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My first time...

posted 5/2/2007 10:30:58 AM |
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tagged: virginity, memories, first time

My first time was less than perfect. You always have these expectations, these visions, these hopes that it will be sensational and tears will pour from the heaven’s as birds sing to the rocking rhythms of Brian’s ford fiesta. Yes, I let him water my “flower” in the back of one of the smallest compact cars ever made. It was something you’d expect to see at a Shriner’s circus, and yet here I was and here he was managing to get down to it in a 3'x3' space. But that is far from the kicker.

I grew up in Alaska for those that have never been there, it’s a tundra. I’m talking 6 months of the year is dedicated to winter, there’s snow from late October to late April. Of all times, I decided in February I was ready. February in Alaska is possibly the coldest month, the temperature hits well below freezing. And here I was, waiting outside in a skirt and a parka. I figured a mini skirt would be the best possible thing, what with easy access and all. Possibly the worst fashion choice I could have ever made, but it was the 90’s so I’m quite sure there would have been no fingers pointed. Well, I waited for about a half hour. I lived in the country, my nearest neighbor was 3 miles away. I shivered, eventually I lost all feeling in my legs. I wanted to back out, I was nervous and about frozen to the core. But all fear faded as he pulled in the driveway. He cut the lights and I walked down the icy path to his car. I reached the passenger door, and DOWN I WENT! I slipped and fell flat on my ass. The ice cut my thigh so I huddled in his car with blood smeared all over my leg and frosty lips that could have been a tribute to Cindy Lauper. I was shaking with the cold, with excitement, and sheer fear.

We drove looking for a secluded spot, where we usually parked was covered with about 4 feet of snow. The minutes ticked by and I started to relax as the heater kicked on. Being a compact car the heater piqued at about 45 degrees then sputtered and cut off. So when it worked, it worked enough to melt the top layer of ice that encased my entire body. Finally, we found a spot. He pulled in, parked, and cut the engine. We climbed over the seats and huddled together in the back. I’m not sure if we kissed, I don’t remember any passionate kisses or seeing the windows fog up with steam. I do however remember when he pulled it out. He looked huge, but now that I’m a little older I realize it was a little less than average. He took a condom out and put it on. I remember laying back on the dirty car seat, staring at the stains on the ceiling. It started to get cold again, but feeling his body pressed up against mine made it a little more bearable.

It was a shock, it wasn’t painful, it wasn’t really anything when he pushed inside of me. I had this whole idea of how wonderful it would be, and here the start amounted to nothing more than nausea. All the rocking, watching him move, feeling the cold car-seat underneath my ass was definitely not what I had expected. I told him to go faster. He looked me square in the eye, and didn’t say a word. Perhaps he knew. I’m not sure a virgin in history ever told her lover to go faster or harder. I think the realization that he was less than built did little to help his ego. His penis didn’t feel as great in as it had looked out. He felt small, I’ll admit I experimented before. I used my fingers out of sheer curiosity and found more pleasure from that than whatever the hell he was trying to accomplish as he slithered on top of me. I wanted to yawn, I wanted to get out of the car, I wanted to go home. I waited, minute after minute, and FINALLY about 5 minutes into it he was done. He pulled out and cuddled against me. All I could think of, was the possibility that I was a lesbian. Clearly, today, I’m not. But after something like that, you really have to wonder. I was less than impressed and to this day I can’t help but feel nauseous about it.

My head started to clear as the temperature in the car again crept down to freezing. I was ready to go, I feigned that I was tired, and he didn’t seem to care either way. He started the car, it turned over once, then twice. I prayed and prayed, the third time it started. Great, time to get this heap of junk on the road! He tried to back up, the tires spun and the car didn’t go anywhere. We were stuck. I had just lost my virginity, I had blood all over my leg, I was freezing, and NOW I was stranded with my boyfriend and the thought that I was gay! Here we were stuck in the middle of nowhere, two people that didn’t say a word to each other the entire time. He turned off the car and started to dig the snow out from under the tires. I waited and waited and waited and eventually fell asleep. Better to fall asleep after than during! I remember waking up as his little golf cart car sputtered down the back road leading to my house.

The short drive seemed as if it would go on forever. We didn’t speak. Our relationship was clearly over. Perhaps, everything does change as soon as sex comes into the relationship. Teenage puppy love was a thing of the past. I went from a doe eyed girl to a sarcastic, unimpressed, young woman. The realization that seduction and romance only existed in romance novels was too humorous to admit. Everything about what transpired between us was nothing but a big disappointment. I raced out of the car, nodded goodbye and headed up to my room. I never saw him again, if anything can be said for living and learning.

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May 2 @ 10:53AM  
I lost my virginity in the back of a fiesta as well. I was out with a mate and his girlfriend, and to cut a long and sordid tale short, the 3 of us in the back of a fiesta was a bit tight for space..................

So is that why you are swayed towards small ones now?


May 2 @ 11:14AM  
I was 11 and didn't have a clue and still don't. I don't even remember if I came. We were in the back woods, she was an older woman and neither of us knew what the fuck we were doing. I do remember her name though

May 2 @ 11:39AM  
lol yeah i remember and your right talk about dissappointing!!! OMFG! I called my big sister and said if that was suppose to be exciting I'm gonna be a nun!! But since I"m not catholic i tried again later and it was better (but not much). One good thing about age though practice,practice, practice

May 2 @ 2:25PM  
Great story...just kept getting funnier...

My first was a bit different. We had spent the summer lounging along a major tributary of the Allegheny River, on a blanket at night, naked, talking and making out...but waited until the end of summer, before we left for college, to finally do the deed...

Beautiful evening...great company...slow and easy...and nothing all too great...but for getting past a life marker...

Then we left for colleges in different states.

But when possible, we got together to practice, and the more we practiced, the more we kicked ourselves for waiting so gal darn long!!!

We ultimately married, 8 yrs later...and 8 yrs after that...divorced...


May 2 @ 3:18PM  
Wow, I'm so glad to say my first wasn't that much of a disaster. It wasn't ALL THAT like I was expecting (way too much TV, let me tell ya, even back then!), but it wasn't a total disappointment, either. Couldn't have been that bad - had to kids with the guy and well, we did it more than twice. And it did get better :)

Thanks for sharing this! (Well-written, too!)

May 2 @ 7:56PM  
Good story, and it was brave of you to share.

I was with my wife-to-be in college, and we had already been together for a long time. I barely remember our first time, that's how memorable it was. I remember it was more weird than fun, mostly because she was clearly scared out of her fucking mind. Took us a while to get the hang of it, honestly

Aug 17 @ 2:08PM  
That's scary... I'm starting to think that I should wait til after marriage!!

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