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My Jackass boyfriend

posted 4/30/2007 11:19:54 PM |
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  alybai42

I have something else to post or blog. I need some advice. I know what most people are going to say. But I had nothing else to but ask for advice.

I have been dating a guy for 7 months. I broke it off with him for 6 weeks.
He was really jealous. Had to know where I was at all times. If a man looked at me he thought I was sleeping with him. It got to the point where I got depressed.

Then a month ago we started talking. He told me that he loved me. And was sorry. I was the best person he had ever met. I treated him good. Too good.

Needless to say it is back to the same old shit. My ex boyfriend and his daughter stopped by on Sat. I didn't ask him too. He didn't call. Well the guy I am seeing now got pissed. And he will not let it drop. He thinks I slept with my ex. I said NO I didn't. Then tonight we went for a ride. We stopped by my house real quick and when I was going back into my car where my boyfriend was waiting, a guy on a nice Harley drove by and waved at me. He is my neighbor. I just met him for the 1st time yesterday. Well my boyfriend got pissed again. He said "There is someone to get dick from" That totally pissed me off. We got into a huge fight. I made him go home and I just left. Didn't say one word to him. I have nothing else to say to him. I can not deal with a jealous man.

I told him when we started talking that I would not put up with his shit. I am not. This was the final straw. The part that hurts is I do care about him a lot.

It is also all about him. What he wants. He wants a Harley. I am sure that pissed him off really good when the guy I know on the Harley waved at me. All I hear out of him is he wants a bike. Hell I want a lot of things too but I don't whine about it all day long.

If I had any brains I would let him go for good. But my heart is in the way.

I also let him use my car twice. His is broke down. Both times I got it back it was out of gas. I was pissed.

I asked him to make a commentment to me the other day. We were dating this whole time but yet I never went out with another man. I told him I wanted us to date each other only. He said he didn't want to get married. I told him I said nothing about getting married. Then about 15 minutes later he said if we got married where would we live? It is like WTF? We are not getting married.

My life is a mess right now. Between the guy I know being found dead. Because of drugs. Then my other friend has brain tumors and lung cancer and don't have long to live and now this I am ready to go and get drunk. But drinking don't solve anything.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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Comments:

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casuallylooking

Apr 30 @ 11:35PM  
Aly, when you started seeing him again you already knew what he was like. You believed him when he spoke the words you wanted to hear. Now you know they were just words. So he wants a harley, we all want a lot of things in life. Time for him to pull up his big boy under roos and get over it or do something about it.
If it were me I would decide who I cared more about, him or myself.
But hey, that's just my thinking, and if it were me.
You are the only one who knows how much crap you can, or are willing to, put up with.
Best wishes.......
NightOfOld

Apr 30 @ 11:38PM  

All I will say is it does NOT sound like a good situation.
Your not even married. Think what it would be afterwards.
WildStaminaStallion

Apr 30 @ 11:49PM  
Just tell him "I am attracted to a man, not a wussy". "Every time you get jealous, it reminds me of a little girlie wussy". "Instead, I want a man who is confident enough to realize that I have no reason to get it from someone else". "Do you understand ?". "Also, here's the new rule. If you borrow my car, you will ask my permission first and put at least $5 MORE gas, than what gas is in it, when you take it". "If it ever comes back with less than $5 more than what is it it when you borrow it, then your borrowing priveledges have ended immediately and permanently". "If you don't like or agree with this rule, then do not borrow my car again. Period." "This is your last chance. You have been warned. If you feel I am worth the extra effort, then you are worth keeping to me. If you do not show me that I am worth the extra effort, then we do not belong together. Any questions ?"

Personally, the guy sounds like a looser. But, he can change himself. YOU cannot change anyone, except yourself. Apparently, he doesn't understand proper behaviour. If you make it clear to him what acceptable behaviour is and he still doesn't comply, cut the cords and find someone who WILL treat you right.
Have a great night !
snuggles

Apr 30 @ 11:50PM  
One thing: He will never change no matter how much you love him, so unless your ready to live afraid to be you and enjoy life least his jealous nature flair up then you will have to let him go, grieve the loss of what could have been, and move on.
You deserve better than someone who doesn't trust you.
alybai42

Apr 30 @ 11:55PM  
Personally, the guy sounds like a looser. But, he can change himself

He tried to change. That lasted about 2 weeks and it was back to the same old thing. And the part that bugs me is he knows it. He also knows I won't put up with it.

I don't think he loves me. If he did he wouldn't act this way.
sumdaysoon

Apr 30 @ 11:58PM  
sounds like you know the answer.............he would get and keep the boot.........jealousy is a huge problem not easily corrected......my.........opinion......
tetons

May 1 @ 1:18AM  
i hate to be so damned opinionated all the time, especially after General stallion stopped by, but this sounds shaky. he's rude about the gas thing, he would like you to get him a harley. seems like a lot of red flags, here. i know things have been tough for you lately, but i also know you're way too good for this child.
man4funf

May 1 @ 2:16AM  
Well, first of all...The first thing guys learn in a new relationship is.
#1- How to push her buttons, to get her pissed!
#2- What to say to get her unpissed.And to make her want to help us be the man she wants.

So given that, He isnt even doing good at makin you think he wants to change! 2 weeks...thats lame.
Jealousy- Shows he is lacking self-confidence and lack of trust in you.

Add those all together and you have a man that needs to feel like he is in control.
Aly, and you know all of this, and because you have such a warm, giving and loving heart, You feel you can fix anything. Well, somethings arent worth fixing, or trying to figure out How to fix them.

Thats the task you face. Is he worth it?

Do what you know is right, and take back control of your life.
I wish you the best...Peace Always...
tlc0766

May 1 @ 8:35AM  
aly, run girl run!!!! he obviously has issues. If he get's that upset over someone just waving at you, well I can see this escalating to where he may get physical. I'm sorry all jealousy boils down to is insecurity and lack of trust. It's bullshit and you should not have to deal with it. Personally I would never put up with that crap and I don't think anyone should!!
ShadowsAngel

May 1 @ 9:33AM  
Aly girl... I have "red flags" going up all over the place here...

Jealousy is great and wonderful and all that chit... about the first time that it happens... by the time that it happens on an hourly basis it's old and tired and you are tired of being forced to defend yourself against the unfounded accusations and being treated like a piece of property rather than a living, breathing human being.

Ask yourself this Aly... If he is so jealous that a neighbor waving at you causes him to become angry... how long is it going to be before you smiling at the girl in the checkout lane at the groucery store causes the same reaction? How long will it be before you "aren't allowed" to go anywhere by yourself because if you do it's because you are "fucking" someone at wherever you are going? How long before he turns that anger into physically harming you?

YOUR safety is paramount... and men like him aren't worth the heartache that they bring with them.

HUGSSSSSSSSS

Angel
ynot7769

May 1 @ 10:02AM  
My life is a mess right now. Between the guy I know being found dead. Because of drugs. Then my other friend has brain tumors and lung cancer and don't have long to live and now this I am ready to go and get drunk.

none of THAT has anything to do with the you n him problem.....and we both know that guys an ass and will never change......you know it......and i know it and almost everyone reading this knows it.........sooo how much longer you gona do the self destruct thing to yourself???
Lisa46

May 1 @ 10:14AM  
well Fuck girl!! Sounds like all this advice is what i said to you on the phone Sunday??? So in plain english DROP THE DEAD BEAT!! you know I luvs ya!!!
Cinnee

May 1 @ 7:20PM  
Honey-This is where abusvie relationships start--Next, he'll stalk you and perhaps love you to death!!! GET OUT NOW!! You deserve better and someone with whom you share mutual trust and admiration for. Girl, just reading you blog gave me CHILLS up my spine--It's not a healthy part of ones character.
Good luck!!
cabl_guy

May 7 @ 12:19AM  
He's still the same prick that drove you nuts before. And, he's NOT going to change! Give him the axe!
enchanted50

May 7 @ 11:10PM  
Aly: the most dangerous things people do in their relating to highly dysfunctional people, is convince themselves that they 'love' this other person and go on to try and convince the world of the same. Then these same people go right about tearing their lives apart to prove to themselves and the rest of the world that yes...this highly dysfunctional person really was lovable and did love me...if you just give him a chance...again...and again...and again.

He doesn't love you...and doesn't know how. 'Love' is simply a lure, to catch a gullible fish.

Your emotional loneliness leaves your front door wide open...not to your heart...but to your undermining sense of worthlessness that lies beneath loneliness. Read your blog carefully...one sentence you're telling us how deeply needy is this person for ALL of your attention, and how that makes you angry and what not, and then you're telling us you've asked him for commitment and exclusiveness. Guy is a walking time bomb, so the best thing to do is ask him for commitment to blow up?? Are you that eager to live in the prison he already seeks to build?

You tell us it is 'needless to say...back to the same old shit." But notice how in a way, you make the "same old shit" be about him....instead of about you? Isn't the same old shit, that another woman is trailing around after a darkly dysfunctional man trying to get him to accept that she loves him and vice versa? He's telling you, plain as day, that he is dangerous, abusive and a user. And you think your 'heart is in the way?' Just how dark are the sunglasses you're wearing at night to help you not look at this situation for what it is...your almost desperate desire for an end to loneliness is convincing you that this messed up person is better than nothing????? Quit hiding behind 'your heart' and look instead and see your fear of solitude.

No one can make you see yourself as worthy of good things. No one can make visible that solitude is better than coupled hell. You have to want to see reality, not see the dimensions of a person that seem alright, despite the decay of the rest of the person. I hate hearing how people set themselves up like this, and keep pointing at the person they've asked to knife them. At our age, it doesn't take a great deal of time to get a fairly good read on people, and to keep trying to give them another chance, because they say 'they love me' is to simply be wearing dark sunglasses at night so we can hide behind lamenting how we just never got a good read...

You've read him. You know and feel his reality. Put your fear of loneliness down, and back away from the rabid 'I love you' porcupine....

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My Jackass boyfriend