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IT’S A MAN THING

posted 4/24/2007 8:24:26 PM |
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  swyeter

We often hear “The Rules” from the female side and the ladies have always been quick to explain to me, “That’s just the way it is if you are a woman” or similar remark. Now I must be honest I never understood, not because I didn't want to, but because I’m a man. In the same mode women have on occasion asked me why we men did certain things and sometimes the only answer I had was, “It’s a man thing”. To help the ladies better understand us men I have put together the following. This is not an all inclusive list just the ones I am most familiar with. Guys if you have any please add them.

But ladies, and especially my “buckeye friend who is always looking for fun”, we men would greatly appreciate it if one or more of you ladies would compile us men a “If you are a woman” counter part list. Then maybe we could understand you just a little better. After all, we really do not want you ripping our balls off all the time trying to get us to understand.

I for one must admit I do not understand women though God knows I try. In fact I often recall asking my grandfather, who was 89 at the time, “How do you understand women” and he answered, “Son I am 89 years old and you are going to have to ask someone older than me that question”. Now thirty some years later I realize just how intelligent he was.

So folks her it is, “It’s a man thing” list.

BUT FIRST - Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! Because no one “man thing” is more important than another.

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
••• Subtle hints do not work!
••• Strong hints do not work!
••• Obvious hints do not work!
••• JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
••• Not both
••• If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours. We used to se only see 7; red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet and yu can thank Windows default settings that we now see 16.
••• Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
••• We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that, even in public.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
••• Sex,
••• Sport, or
••• Cars
1. If you can fill one dresser and one closet you have enough clothes.
1. If you have more than one black, brown and navy pair of shoes you have too many.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Now ladies if your S/O reads it to you laughing or shows you this and laughs while you are reading he probably already knows he will have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

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Bush Meets Moses
And They Ask Why I Like Retirement!
Gay Test
A Bear & A Beer
Soldier
Doctor, Doctor
A Baker's Dozen - Thoughts To Ponder
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road.
TRUE CONFESSIONS – “IT’S A MAN THING”
IT’S A MAN THING
On Age and Aging
Thanks A Lot for the Advice
And Women Think Men Are Horny!
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Is Beauty A Curse


Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Apr 24 @ 8:32PM  
In response of your blog IT’S A MAN Thing I was going to do a separate post but I realized that if I expected you to read it I would have to post it on your blog, you being probably not smart enough to move your cursor (that little arrow key on the screen) to the next blog.

First of all your grandfather has the story incorrect. God told woman he would grant her one wish. She said build me a bridge from United States to Europe. God said Woman do you realize what that would take, the man hours, the concrete, the suspension needed ect, and woman said well than tell me one thing man thinks about besides sex. God is quiet for a while and says How many lanes did you want that bridge.

Now I understand your reasoning behind writing this with only the number one. Didn’t want to take your shoes off to go over 10 did you? And Hell over 20 you could have taken your pants off but that would have only gotten you to 20 ¼.

1.
Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that
Just so you know while your head is bent we can see where you are losing your hair that’s a turn off.
2.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down
We can do that if you will make the promise that you will quit ripping our tampax apart to see how they work.
3.
Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides
. Let it be We understand that you need one day of sitting there not having to do anything or make any kind of decisions but Saturday rolls into Sunday and when you go back to work Monday everything is left for us to do.
4.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way
Well that’s really good cause everytime you go shopping with me you buy 10 cases of moon pies and I don’t believe your argument of it’s a balanced diet if you eat them with milk.
5.
Crying is blackmail
. If it is so is honey if you will let me buy this new sports car I promise you can have that washer and dryer you have been whining about for the past 5 years.
6.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!
• JUST SAY IT!
Your so right, but it does postpone you stomping your feeting and slamming out
the door crying its not fair I never get what I want.
7.
‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
Your Right and its yes your not getting any tonight and no you wont either until
you change your fucking attitude.
8.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
That’s right and you come to us when you have broke something when You were trying to fix it. We have the mechanic, the plumber, the furnace man
On speed dial.
9.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
A headache lasts as long as we are married to you call a lawyer.
10
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 days
Unless I call the lawyer first than
everything is admissible including the floosie you were messing around with a
few years ago ( I have the pictures!!)
11.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
Yes well if you think your An asshole, don’t ask us we have already told you that numerous times.
12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one. That ok we realized along time ago it
wasn’t worth listening to you so either one is ok with us. What did you say?
13. im skipping 14.and 15 your starting to bore me.
16. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. We understand
this completely. After all the way you measure your dic I see where you could convert an inch into 10 miles.
17 we have no idea what mauve is either but you do look funny when we ask you if
something will go with mauve.
18. Sad part is there is nothing to itch and you still scratch.
19. Its good that you know when we are lying. We know when you are too, your lips
are moving.
20. We always expect an answer we don’t want to hear. Im tired, I don’t feel like it,
They are your kids, I’m sick of chicken.
21 Of course anything we were is fine to you. You go out in public with a t-shirt
That is older than your oldest child and can read newspaper thru it and doesn’t
quite cover that belly that has been adding on over the years by the gallons of beer
you consume.
22. We don’t mind that you talk about sex, sports and cars but just once why wont
you agree to having sex in a sports car instead of saying your to old. YOU may be
to old but I’m not.
23. Since you spend your weekends in your whitie tighties (which are no longer
(whitey or tightie) you could at least allow us the dresser space you don’t use.
24.. Yes and as long as they are ‘cum fuck me” shoes so you can brag to your friends
Your happy.
25.. You are a shape but its not round. Its more like a weeble wooble.

You wont be sleeping on the couch tonight dear, I have called the lawyer and he says I get it all. How do you think your going to like the YMCA its all your going to be able to afford.
woollybear575

Apr 24 @ 9:01PM  
So it is written, so let it be said
sumdaysoon

Apr 24 @ 9:27PM  
hell number 1 is right on the mark............
swyeter

Apr 24 @ 10:05PM  
I’m surprised you even found my blog. Truth is it must have been by accident after all it is said that give a monkey a typewriter and he would eventually type out Shakespeare’s writings. I reckon if you have a PC you could eventually find something on the monitor. Don’t see how you could though because of all the white out on yours. The way I heard it until last week you thought a cursor was a man spewing profanity; shitz, profanity is more than two syllables so let me spell it out, very bad words. By the (little arrow key on the screen) I presume you are referring to the graphic pointer used with a mouse to point to a location on a terminal screen.

Saying my grandfather (God rest his soul) was incorrect is the same as calling the poor man a liar. I hope that is not the case because he told me that “a woman brought man the greatest joy”. No wonder I’ve never found it, now I discover he was lying to me all those years. Just for the record that story has always been God granting a man who was afraid of flying a wish. When God asked the man what was his wish the man thought for a minute and then said, "I would like to have a bridge from the West coast to Hawaii." God told the man, "Son that is one thing I cannot give you. But think hard and surely you can think of something else that will make you happy and fulfill your life." The man thought for awhile more and then suddenly he blurted out, "I want to be able to UNDERSTAND women!! God looked at the man and then with a big sigh he said, "How many lanes did you want that bridge, two or four?? I was going to suggest that the next time you come up with something original. Then I realized that the last time you had an original thought it died of loneliness.

For the record I started to number them sequentially and make # 1 Say – It is always the woman’s fault and the last one say – If you have any questions see # 1. But was not sure you could find # 1 because you thought coming from a man it must be about sports and you would still be trying to figure out which team I was talking about. I would talk about men and numbers, the last one I dated was having her 29th birthday for the 19th time.

Just so you know while your head is bent we can see where you are losing your hair that’s a turn off.
Just so you know the doctor told me if I got a bed without a headboard my hair would grow back.

We can do that if you will make the promise that you will quit ripping our tampax apart to see how they work.
I was trying to figure out where you put the batteries since you kept inserting, retracting, inserting, retracting, I thought the battery was dead and you didn’t know how to replace them. (Last time I try and do you a favour.)

We understand that you need one day of sitting there not having to do anything or make any kind of decisions but Saturday rolls into Sunday and when you go back to work Monday everything is left for us to do.
Just be thankful we have a job because you can spoon out the money faster than we can to shovel it in. Plus I come home and work till dark every evening to get my chores done so I can sit back and relax on the weekends. And if you did a little work during the week instead of watching soaps all the time you might be able to relax a little too.

Well that’s really good because every time you go shopping with me you buy 10 cases of moon pies and I don’t believe your argument of it’s a balanced diet if you eat them with milk.
Get it right its moon pies and RC Cola. I wouldn’t have to eat moon pies all the time if you learned to cook something other than chicken ding. (She puts three pieces of Banquet in the microwave, pushes the one minute button and when it goes ding dinner is ready)

If it is so is honey if you will let me buy this new sports car I promise you can have that washer and dryer you have been whining about for the past 5 years.
I only gave you the stove washer and clothes pin for your birthday after you gave me the matchbox sports car for mine.

Your so right, but it does postpone you stomping your feeting and slamming out the door crying its not fair I never get what I want.
You are so right, what I want is for you to go stomping out slamming the door.

Your Right and its yes your not getting any tonight and no you wont either until you change your fucking attitude.
And just why should tonight be any different than any other. I remember the last time I got take out from Outback so you wouldn’t have to cook and brought you candy and flowers you asked, “What the fuck have you done now?” and I had to sleep on the sofa for a week. (And you wonder why I never give you candy or flowers)

That’s right and you come to us when you have broke something worse when. You were trying to fix it. We have the mechanic, the plumber, the furnace man on speed dial.
It was already broke or I wouldn’t have started to fix it. Plus the plumber has had to remove the same towel you dropped in the commode 4 times now. I am beginning to wonder how these things really get broken in the first place. I notice since the company started sending out the 68 year electrician we haven’t had any more electrical problems.
swyeter

Apr 24 @ 10:05PM  
Continued

A headache lasts as long as we are married to you call a lawyer.
You aren’t a headache or a pain in the neck; actually it is a lower problem.

Unless I call the lawyer first than everything is admissible including the floosie you were messing around with a few years ago ( I have the pictures!!)
Go ahead call the lawyer, the pictures you are talking about are in the family album and are of you. You’ve gained so much weight and changed the color of your hair so many times you do not recognize yourself.

Yes well if you think your an asshole, don’t ask us we have already told you that numerous times.
I just get a kick out of asking, have you ever noticed that when you call me an asshole I always smile. That’s because only a turd would recognize one.

That ok we realized along time ago it wasn’t worth listening to you so either one is ok with us. What did you say?
I said, “You need some money”, that’s the only thing you’ve heard the last 20 years anyway.

I’m skipping 11 and 12 your starting to bore me. That’s fair, every night between 11 and 12 you bore me.

We understand this completely. After all the way you measure your dic I see where you could convert an inch into 10 miles.
That’s cute, especially since the first 10 years you believed 6 inches was really 12 and that 4 strokes with 3 inches was also equal to 12.

We have no idea what mauve is either but you do look funny when we ask you if something will go with mauve.
I wondered why the last time you asked I said yeah beer and steaks and you went shopping and bought them.

Sad part is there is nothing to itch and you still scratch.
Yeah and just so you know when you caught those things you gave me I didn’t believe you when you said you got them from a toilet seat either.

Its good that you know when we are lying. We know when you are too, your lips are moving.
Difference is your lips don’t have to move for you to be lying.

We always expect an answer we don’t want to hear. Im tired, I don’t feel like it, They are your kids, I’m sick of chicken.
Yes but it is always the same questions, honey will you give the kids their bathes, read them a story and put them to bed and by the way how many pieces of chicken ding you want tonight. I know you never learned to cook but have you forgotten you had the 5 kids before we met.

Of course anything we wear is fine to you. You go out in public with a t-shirt. That is older than your oldest child and can read newspaper thru it and doesn’t quite cover that belly that has been adding on over the years by the gallons of beer you consume.
It’s the only one you’ve laundered in the last year and after paying for your clothes who has any money left to buy anything but a 3 pack of T’s. And if you’d wear something (or nothing) other than your sweats or long flannel to bed I wouldn’t have to drink so much to make you look like at least a little better than Phyllis Diller.

We don’t mind that you talk about sex, sports and cars but just once why wont you agree to having sex in a sports car instead of saying your to old. YOU may be to old but I’m not.
I would have sex with you in a sports car but the last time you wanted to it was in someone else’s convertible outside the bar. And I didn’t say I was too old to have sex with you in a sports car I said I was too old to be running from its owner or the cops.

Since you spend your weekends in your whitie tighties (which are no longer (whitey or tightie) you could at least allow us the dresser space you don’t use.
A man has to have some space and place to keep his clothes; I only have one drawer now for socks and drawers and one hanger in the closet. And if you ever did laundry you would discover that my “whitey tightie” now brown was never white but yellow.

Yes and as long as they are ‘cum fuck me” shoes so you can brag to your friends Your happy.
It would be great if you only wore them at home but when you go to the bars with “cum fuck me’ wrote on the toes that's a little much.

You are a shape but its not round. Its more like a weeble wooble.
May be, but it’s still better that your straddle waddle.

You wont be sleeping on the couch tonight dear, I have called the lawyer and he says I get it all. How do you think your going to like the YMCA its all your going to be able to afford.
The only things in my or our names that you can get is the pushmobile and house. You can have the car but the bank owns the house so go for it. And as for living in the Y, my standard of living just went up.

Ewe_Wish

Apr 24 @ 10:55PM  
Well Darling I only came across your blog while in a search of a real man who can keep it hard for more than 5 minutes without the need to piss.
Then I realized that the last time you had an original thought it died of loneliness.
Thats so true, it was when i thought you were a real man.
I was trying to figure out where you put the batteries since you kept inserting, retracting, inserting, retracting, I thought the battery was dead and you didn’t know how to replace them. (Last time I try and do you a favour.)
Well if you could get Mr.Johnson (or in your case little dickie jr.) in an upright position i wouldnt need anything with batteries.
I only gave you the stove washer and clothes pin for your birthday after you gave me the matchbox sports car for mine.
Well thats a lie, I gave you a cemetary plot, which btw you have never used.
Get it right its moon pies and RC Cola. I wouldn’t have to eat moon pies all the time if you learned to cook something other than chicken ding. (She puts three pieces of Banquet in the microwave, pushes the one minute button and when it goes ding dinner is ready)
Oh this coming from the man who thinks a 6 pack of beer and a hot dog is a 7 course meal.
And just why should tonight be any different than any other. I remember the last time I got take out from Outback so you wouldn’t have to cook and brought you candy and flowers you asked, “What the fuck have you done now?” and I had to sleep on the sofa for a week. (And you wonder why I never give you candy or flowers)
Oh yea i remember that it was last august and it was christmas candy you gave me with the 90% off clearance price on it and the reason you slept on the couch was the flowers you gave me were poison ivy and you didnt want to catch it.
You aren’t a headache or a pain in the neck; actually it is a lower problem.
How can that be you have been dead from the waist down for the past 10 yrs.
That’s cute, especially since the first 10 years you believed 6 inches was really 12 and that 4 strokes with 3 inches was also equal to 12.
Yes i remember when i told you to give me 8 inches and make it hurt and you shoved it in 2 times and hit me with a beer bottle. BTW you were still 2 inches short.
have you forgotten you had the 5 kids before we met
Have you forgotten that we could have had kids together if you hadnt caught something from that "girl" you met while in the service. Love you Longtime has new meaning now doesnt it?
It would be great if you only wore them at home but when you go to the bars with “cum fuck me’ wrote on the toes that's a little much.
Hey thats how we met in the bar.

And Just so you know you didnt marry your mother. You want the house spotless clean it and if you want your laundry done do it. Besides im tired of finding potatoes in your underwear that you are using to impress the women. And just for your information its an uncooked potatoe in the front of the pants not like your doing it mashed potatoes in the back of your pants.
sexxyfroggy

Apr 25 @ 12:56AM  
you guys are very entertaining....even if you are not trying to be. I had to check each of your profiles to be sure you were not still married. wow~!
canuhelpme258

Apr 25 @ 1:07AM  
I'd not hop into the middle of this for all the rice in China, just gonna get some popcorn and watch!
Looking4ever

Apr 25 @ 1:11AM  
Either they are married to each other or were!
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 2:18AM  
Well Darling I only came across your blog while in a search of a real man who can keep it hard for more than 5 minutes without the need to piss.
With all the bitching and moaning you do in the bedroom you piss a man off so much that you are lucky that I don’t have to go every two minutes.

Thats so true, it was when i thought you were a real man.
That’s the only real thought you have ever had. Except for when you asked if the smoke alarms were a dinner bell, they aren’t for most women but in your case they are.

Well if you could get Mr.Johnson (or in your case little dickie jr.) in an upright position i wouldnt need anything with batteries.
You ever think it might be you, I don’t have any trouble keeping a boner when your sister visits. If you wore anything sexy like she does it wouldn’t be a problem. Oh I forgot they don’t make “sexy” in your size.

Well thats a lie, I gave you a cemetary plot, which btw you have never used.
Not without his and hers plots and you using yours first.

Oh this coming from the man who thinks a 6 pack of beer and a hot dog is a 7 course meal.
It’s better than any thing you cook besides that you think take out is a gourmet meal once you “take it out” of the little boxes it comes in and that pizza is a delicacy.

Oh yea i remember that it was last august and it was christmas candy you gave me with the 90% off clearance price on it and the reason you slept on the couch was the flowers you gave me were poison ivy and you didnt want to catch it.
It wasn’t Christmas candy in August it was Christmas candy for Valentines. What did you expect you always say it’s the thought that counts. And it was the poison ivy that I was afraid of catching; it was your crotch rot that I was afraid would make me itch.

How can that be you have been dead from the waist down for the past 10 yrs.
Its been stiff for ten years not because its dead but because you’ve had a headache for that long. I tried coming to bed with two aspirin and a glass of water but you held the asprin between your knees all night.

Yes i remember when i told you to give me 8 inches and make it hurt and you shoved it in 2 times and hit me with a beer bottle. BTW you were still 2 inches short.
That was because you wouldn’t let me take you panty hose off and I only hit you with the bottle to get a piece of glass to cut a hole in the things.

Have you forgotten that we could have had kids together if you hadnt caught something from that "girl" you met while in the service. Love you Longtime has new meaning now doesnt it?
That “girl” was your sister and she told me she caught it from a boy after he screwed you then her.

Hey thats how we met in the bar.
Yeah but I didn’t realize back then you had wrote it bragging that Cum Richards had fucked you.

And Just so you know you didnt marry your mother. You want the house spotless clean it and if you want your laundry done do it. Besides im tired of finding potatoes in your underwear that you are using to impress the women. And just for your information its an uncooked potatoe in the front of the pants not like your doing it mashed potatoes in the back of your pants.
Marrying your relatives only occurs on your side of the family. I don’t need a spotless house but I would like not having to leave the snow shovel by the front door all year just to get inside. You forget, you made me put the mashed potatoes in my pants the last time we went to KY Fried to eat and you wanted me to sneak you out a late night snack. I tried to put they in the front of my pants but you said you wouldn’t eat anything that came out the front of a man’s pants and insisted I put the down the back.
TomJ4458

Apr 25 @ 3:32AM  
This is freaking great! If you two aren't already secretly together comparing responses, then posting them you should be. Isn't young love wonderfull ?
Ewe_Wish

Apr 25 @ 9:24AM  
With all the bitching and moaning you do in the bedroom you piss a man off so much that you are lucky that I don’t have to go every two minutes.
You i wouldnt have to bitch so much if we didnt always have to do it doggie style. You know, I sit up and beg and You roll over and play dead.
You ever think it might be you, I don’t have any trouble keeping a boner when your sister visits. If you wore anything sexy like she does it wouldn’t be a problem. Oh I forgot they don’t make “sexy” in your size
. Well considering my sister use to be my brother what does that say about you? And when you get into sizes baby remember its not that the auditorium is so big its the fact that the microphone is to small.
That’s the only real thought you have ever had. Except for when you asked if the smoke alarms were a dinner bell, they aren’t for most women but in your case they are.
Oh thats funny coming from You. Of course im sure i dont cook like your mother does, but from what i hear I dont do alot of things like your mother does. Is she still working in that gentlemens club for christmas money?
Not without his and hers plots and you using yours first
well there goes the head stone i bought you for your birthday WITH the dates on it.
That was because you wouldn’t let me take you panty hose off and I only hit you with the bottle to get a piece of glass to cut a hole in the things.
Hell i have to keep my panty hose on during the few times we have had sex. Its the only way sex with you could make my toes curl.
Marrying your relatives only occurs on your side of the family
.Thats a laugh your family tree dont branch at all and your gene pool is stagnant.

And you can stop with the remarks about the size of my clothes. You know i buy bigger clothes every since YOU started wearing my dresses and was tearing out the shoulders.
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 10:51AM  
You i wouldnt have to bitch so much if we didnt always have to do it doggie style. You know, I sit up and beg and You roll over and play dead.
Yeah you sit up and beg alright, “Please honey not tonight” and what do you mean doggie style. I’m always doing it missionary, where you lay there like you’re dead and I pray you aren’t because I don’t want to be charged with corpse abuse.

Well considering my sister use to be my brother what does that say about you? And when you get into sizes baby remember its not that the auditorium is so big its the fact that the microphone is to small.
Hell he was sexier than you before the operation and if it wasn’t for her handlebar moustache I might even consider trying to bed she/he. Then again I don’t know why that should stop me since it’s not as big as yours. And size, there isn’t a sound system made big enough to fill your auditorium and if my microphone is too small why are you always gagging on it.

Oh thats funny coming from You. Of course im sure i dont cook like your mother does, but from what i hear I dont do alot of things like your mother does. Is she still working in that gentlemens club for christmas money?
You don’t even cook like my father, at least he could boil water for “cup o soup”. And as for my mother at the gentleman’s club, you’re just pissed she makes 5 times the tips you do when you’re there.

well there goes the head stone i bought you for your birthday WITH the dates on it.
Well let me buy you one for your B/D and just what date would you like for me to put on it for you. As long as one of the dates is in 2007 and you have had a 29th birthday so many times can you even remember what year you were born?

Hell i have to keep my panty hose on during the few times we have had sex. Its the only way sex with you could make my toes curl.
Your dad told me your mother taught you that panty hose was a method of birth control and I believe she had hers on when you were conceived because anything feminine was strained out of where you “cum” from.

Thats a laugh your family tree dont branch at all and your gene pool is stagnant.
At least mine aren’t still living in the trees and has a pool.

And you can stop with the remarks about the size of my clothes. You know i buy bigger clothes every since YOU started wearing my dresses and was tearing out the shoulders.
That was only one time that I wore your clothes and it wasn’t a dress it was a pair of pants. And I only did it then because of the smart ass remark you made that “I wasn’t getting in your pants that night” and I bet you I could. Matter of fact you still haven’t paid up on that bet. Even if I did put on one of your dresses I couldn’t rip out the shoulders since yours are bigger than mine.
casuallylooking

Apr 25 @ 11:06AM  
Did you ever notice that wedding vows say 'Til death do you part', and fairytales say 'Happily ever after' ? Where would that place this 'loving, happy' couple?
Oh, I know, when one kills the other..one gets the death part the other gets the happily ever after......
Bets on a winner, anyone?
TastyCupcake

Apr 25 @ 1:17PM  
1. Cute well-endowed guys are for looking at, and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to aim it in the middle of the toilet. You're a big boy. You can aim your little soldier in the right place.
3. Saturday = fun, which may or may not include your watching sports If other things need to be done, that's what VCR's and TiVo are for.
4. Shopping for clothes is a sport, just like your shopping for sex toys or the best car or home improvement tools.
5. Driving us to cry as a form of blackmail is reprehensible.
6. Don't criticize or act bothered when we do clearly ask for what we want.
7. Yes and no are only perfectly acceptable answers when filling out standardized tests.
8. Come to us for sex only when you are going to provide adequate foreplay and not merely view our relations as a form of stress relief.
9. Being a premature ejaculator for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
10. It would be nice if men could remember what was said and done seven days ago much less six months ago.
11. If you think you have a beer belly and/or a saggy butt, you probably do. Don't ask us.
12. It's not too difficult to think before you speak, so what you say can't be interpreted in a way to make us sad or angry.
13. We can do most things for ourselves, but it is nice to be given help occasionally.
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks of our favorite daytime or nighttime soaps.
15. We wouldn't need to give directions if you weren't so stubborn and defensive.
16. All women see in every shade of Crayola, and we can't help it if your mommy only bought you the eight pack.
17. Don't scratch in public unless you want to be deemed a primitive Neanderthal.
18. It is worth the hassle of finding out what is bothering us.
19. If you ask us if your bedroom skills are substandard and don't really want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
20. Absolutely anything you have to wear is not suitable for many occasions.
21. Don't tell us what you're thinking until you have thought it out.
22. All of us want more than can fill one closet or dresser drawer.
23. All of us want a closet full of shoes.
24. Mowing the yard on a riding lawnmower does not count as exercise to keep you in shape.
Ewe_Wish

Apr 25 @ 5:18PM  
You tell him Tastycupcake he doesnt listen to me
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 5:47PM  
What is this “Fresh Meat” or reinforcements? I know I cast down the gauntlet to my buckeye friend but I never expected her to ask for help. So what’s with the Texan! Oh well what the hell I have a minute or two so here’s just for you TC.

1. Cute well-endowed guys are for looking at, and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
Maybe, but drooling over the 16 year old pimply faced bag boy at “Shop A Lot” is not the same.
2. Learn to aim it in the middle of the toilet. You're a big boy. You can aim your little soldier in the right place.
It’s an act of nature, that’s what we men keep trying to explain. Males mark their territory, just be thankful we quit pissing on our women centuries ago.
3. Saturday = fun, which may or may not include your watching sports If other things need to be done, that's what VCR's and TiVo are for.
That’s another problem, while we watch one sport we tape another then you try and set the system to tape something and screw it up. The record systems have more than two buttons so you aren’t qualified to use them anyway.
4. Shopping for clothes is a sport, just like your shopping for sex toys or the best car or home improvement tools.
True, but shop for something useful; you bitched at me when I come home with new tires for the car, I didn’t say a word when you came home with the three lace bras. At least I have a car.
5. Driving us to cry as a form of blackmail is reprehensible.
Drive you, you jump on board and look forward for the trip.
6. Don't criticize or act bothered when we do clearly ask for what we want.
Cleary ask, you got to be kidding, “Honey can do the little thingy mebob by the do hicky so the gizmo doesn’t make that funny little you know sound”.
7. Yes and no are only perfectly acceptable answers when filling out standardized tests.
So is multiple choice, but you have to always make it multiple guess and even when we put "D. All the above” we are wrong.
8. Come to us for sex only when you are going to provide adequate foreplay and not merely view our relations as a form of stress relief.
Coming to you for sex is what gives us stress. How in the hell is a man supposed to get you in the mood, after you’ve done snuck down to the bedroom and played with a toy for three hours. Just what the hell do you consider adequate foreplay after that?
9. Being a premature ejaculator for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
After two hours of foreplay and eating you out how can you realistically expect us to more than five minutes?
10. It would be nice if men could remember what was said and done seven days ago much less six months ago.
What makes you think it is us that can’t remember more than seven days. Unless it was something that was on a Soap you can’t remember yesterday. But with the Soap its “Billy Bob’s cousin that used to be played by Joe Blow last year is the father of Helen’s baby but George thinks he’s the daddy because Rachel’s doctor’s uncle told Stephanie that the lab results proved it.”
11. If you think you have a beer belly and/or a saggy butt, you probably do. Don't ask us.
We don’t have to; we never get a chance to ask because you are always telling us.
12. It's not too difficult to think before you speak, so what you say can't be interpreted in a way to make us sad or angry.
We don’t have the luxury to think, we have to squeeze our comments in between your lectures when you pause every 5-8 minutes for 15 seconds to take a breath. That’s what gets us screwed up, by the time we’ve had a chance to think it out you are already on the next topic.
13. We can do most things for ourselves, but it is nice to be given help occasionally.
Help doing what, you don’t clean, cook, do laundry or dishes; about the only thing you really need help with is squeezing your size 14 toosh in a pair size 8 levis.
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercial breaks of our favorite daytime or nighttime soaps.
HOW, you tape them and edit out the commercials. The only chance we may have is if you hit pause to go to the bathroom and when we try to say something then its “I gotta go I ain’t got time to listen right now”.
15. We wouldn't need to give directions if you weren't so stubborn and defensive.
The two times we did listen to directions from you we wound once in Albuquerque and the other in Saint Louis. Problem is both times we were headed on vacation to Disney World in Orlando.
16. All women see in every shade of Crayola, and we can't help it if your mommy only bought you the eight pack.
You see in colors that cannot be seen by the human eye. But the only color you really see is green; as in money.
17. Don't scratch in public unless you want to be deemed a primitive Neanderthal.
Make up your frigging mind; in the bedroom you want me to be a cave man and in public Mr. GQ. We cannot go from CM to GQ like you go from Honey to Bitch in 15 seconds.
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 5:47PM  
Continued

18. It is worth the hassle of finding out what is bothering us.
I only have a life expectancy of 75 years and I’m still working on the solution to the first issue that bothered you.
19. If you ask us if your bedroom skills are substandard and don't really want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
We don’t expect the truth on BR skills, you are too afraid that if you admitted we were anything but lousy we would think we had the upper hand and next time ask for a BJ.
20. Absolutely anything you have to wear is not suitable for many occasions.
The last time I picked out my own clothes was before the engagement, if you don’t like what I have to wear shop for me someplace besides the Goodwill.
21. Don't tell us what you're thinking until you have thought it out.
It doesn’t do any good, no matter how little our much forethought we have given something the first think you always ask is, “Honey have you thought this out”. The problem is all your shoes are at least two sizes too small and prevents the blood from returning to your head and you from listening to anything that requires more than two sentences.
22. All of us want more than can fill one closet or dresser drawer.
Okay, granted a woman wants clothes. At least take the tags off so they appear you may have worn them at least once. And why did you insist on a five bedroom house it’s just the two of us. You have every closet and dresser full except my one drawer and one hanger and I expect any day to come home and find the clothes I had in them in a cardboard box.
23. All of us want a closet full of shoes.
But Imelda Marcos didn’t have as many shoes as you. You only have two feet, how many shoes does one woman really need? You’ve never worn a pair out in your life; you can’t wear one pair enough to wear them out.
24. Mowing the yard on a riding lawnmower does not count as exercise to keep you in shape.
And nether did your joining the fitness club to start exercising. Everyday by the time you bend, twist, gyrate, jump up and down, and perspire for an hour getting into your leotards on, the class was over.
sundance64

Apr 25 @ 6:15PM  
This was posted a few weeks ago on here...and I got it in an email a couple of years ago. The first time I got it...I wrote my own response to it, titled Womens Rules:

http://www.adultmatchdoctor.com/blog_9876/Womens_Rules_as_opposed_to_the_previously_mentioned_guy_s_rules.html
Ewe_Wish

Apr 25 @ 6:36PM  
Well Sunny what do you expect? He's a man thats not to original. Just as you suspected LOL
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 6:39PM  
More reinforcements, now there's three of them. Don't they realize that they are still out numbered.
sundance64

Apr 25 @ 6:59PM  
Outnumbered?? Ok...but lets take a good look at that why don't we??

If you're referring to women being outnumbered by men here on AMD...yes, we are. But remember, the number of SMART, CLASSY, ARTICULATE women on this site WAAAAY outnumber the men with the same atributes, seeing as how most of the men on this site are knuckle dragging neanderthals without two braincells to rub together.
Ewe_Wish

Apr 25 @ 7:32PM  
knuckle dragging neanderthals without two braincells to rub together
Well im not sure about all of the men but you did describe swyeter to a T.
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 8:44PM  
Sundance,

Actually I was referring to the three of you and the one of me. You need to go round up 6-8 more so we can make this even. Did you say SMART, CLASSY, ARTICULATE or were those typos. I think it is more of a SMART ASSY INARTICULATE; now those do outnumber the men. It isn’t just the brain cells needed to take on a challenge; it’s BALLS and the last time I checked women don’t have any. Why don’t you go back to someone your speed like the feisty one, she doesn’t have any either so you may have an even chance against her.
swyeter

Apr 25 @ 8:53PM  
Well im not sure about all of the men but you did describe swyeter to a T
L4FA45 – That’s why we make such a good pair. Why don’t you post the picture you gave me of yourself. Here, I’ll post it for you. But in fairness if I'm gonna post yours I reckon I should post mine also.



Ewe_Wish

Apr 25 @ 9:55PM  
it’s BALLS and the last time I checked women don’t have any.

Neither do alot of men around here. I'll bet you can figure out real quick i was talking about you

Now tell sunny your sorry that you were nasty to her. Shame on you Bad! Bad! Bad! go in your corner and stay there until you can come out and place nice.
bentan

Apr 27 @ 4:34AM  
OMG, I take my eyes away from a blog and it becomes multi-orgasmic squirting porn! This is way too long to read, quick somebody summarize.

*** warms brain cell between balls *** Balls ... good

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