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Dating a Stripper

posted 4/18/2007 4:07:28 PM |
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  ks0199

Well, I've been fooling around with this girl who is simply gorgeous, great in bed and loves foreplay. She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed and quite frankly, I'm sure some have said the same about me...

After about two weeks of fooling around she wanted to "get serious." I almost immediately said yes because the sex has been GREAT

I immediately stopped (before I spoke) and thought; "Wait, i don't even know what this girl does for a living..." So, I said we should get to know one another better before we become "committed"

I found out late last night (when I went to a local strip club with friends) that she was, yup, you guessed it (mainly because it was in the title of the blog) an exotic dancer!

At first I thought, SWEET! Then, as I watched her give other guys lap dances it occurred to me... could I truly feel that she was committed to me, while she was out dancing? -- I couldn't

I wasn't jealous, I just didn't see our future growing together. She called me at 4am last night (well, I guess technically this morning) and asked if we could stop seeing other people and just date each other. I told her I didn't have that in me... but I also didn't want to stop seeing her... unfortunately, I told her we should part ways...

Did I handle that okay? Any suggestions?

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Dating a Stripper
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Making Porn


Comments:

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Dominus

Apr 18 @ 4:31PM  
Actually, that's kind of shallow on your part. For one thing, people who are good at their job are exactly that for a reason: they are professionals. If she is good at what she does, then it's a professional relationship and nothing more. You might as well say you get jealous of your significant other working in an office because there are members of the opposite sex there and lord knows what could happen at an office party.

Secondly, the three factors you cited to define her were:

Well, I've been fooling around with this girl who is simply gorgeous, great in bed and loves foreplay.

Which proves your own point, that you haven't taken much time to get to know her at all. That's hardly a rounded definition of an individual. What are her interests? What are her goals? What is it that drives her?

One thing was implied: She seems very loyal if she came out and made a statement like when she "asked if we could stop seeing other people and just date each other". And you told her "no?"

Dude, as spoken by Silent Bob in Clerks: "There's a lot of pretty girls out there. Not all of them bring you lasagna for lunch." What she did was take the first step in what could have been something great. Other men pray for that to happen, but you just turned her down.

If you're lucky, that won't have been your "once in a lifetime" chance that you blew because of petty jealousy.
Dominus

Apr 18 @ 4:31PM  
Actually, that's kind of shallow on your part. For one thing, people who are good at their job are exactly that for a reason: they are professionals. If she is good at what she does, then it's a professional relationship and nothing more. You might as well say you get jealous of your significant other working in an office because there are members of the opposite sex there and lord knows what could happen at an office party.

Secondly, the three factors you cited to define her were:

Well, I've been fooling around with this girl who is simply gorgeous, great in bed and loves foreplay.

Which proves your own point, that you haven't taken much time to get to know her at all. That's hardly a rounded definition of an individual. What are her interests? What are her goals? What is it that drives her?

One thing was implied: She seems very loyal if she came out and made a statement like when she "asked if we could stop seeing other people and just date each other". And you told her "no?"

Dude, as spoken by Silent Bob in Clerks: "There's a lot of pretty girls out there. Not all of them bring you lasagna for lunch." What she did was take the first step in what could have been something great. Other men pray for that to happen, but you just turned her down.

If you're lucky, that won't have been your "once in a lifetime" chance that you blew because of petty jealousy.
GryGoast

Apr 18 @ 4:34PM  
Yes ... to display ones property ... mmmmm ... now, there's a gift in how this is achieved ... first of course is your "Rush", (define that how you will ) so a girl must be displayed in a way that serves your need and serves to reinforce this point on her ... if it doesn't ... Learning to handle woman flesh is like breaking a fine steed or house breaking a puppy... it is best done firmly and with love ... you must ... with out question be the point of all her effort, want, need... and ... she must have the opportunity to break another mans soul, which is the point of the dance, Dose she make eye contact with you as she dances?... for your approval... Meany woman can do this with a simple look ... and if this is the kind of woman you have found? Then grab her... collar her .... and fuck her till she's delirious. then will she make fine property. In your case .... you must decide if your the kind of man that can simply jump on a wild mare, grab a hank of her main ... and bend her to your will... then ... and only then ... will she understand she is owned... and that's what she seek when she dances... to know in her heart ... she belongs... Go on ... ask her

God luck

Godspeed

Master Gry
ks0199

Apr 18 @ 4:42PM  
Dominus -- very good point... what I saw as realism in the absence of jealousy, another saw as petty jealousy...

maybe I did wrong by her... your Silent Bob quote definitely put things in perspective...

Thank you!
dumblonde

Apr 18 @ 4:50PM  
i think 2 weeks of "fooling around" is awfully fast to be getting into an exclusive committment...
Moosewood

Apr 18 @ 4:52PM  
Wow dude! At first I thought "Good for you brother!" but then I read on...
I personally might have handled it differently. By what you've said, it seemed like you actually may have liked her before you found out what she does. This is where I think the mistake was made. Strippers (or exotic dancers, or whatever you wish to call them) are people too! How did you know that you can't trust her? Because you assumed that she can't be trusted because of her work? Did it occur to you that she is putting on a show? That certain "wild" behaviour on stage is required for her to put money in her pocket? How do you know that she has ever taken anyone from the club home with her? Did you ask? For all you know, you may have just let go the woman of your dreams because of "facts" you don't even know.
I've known a few strippers in my life. I even dated one for awhile. And it was AWESOME while it lasted! I felt privileged just being around her and she was such a sweet girl! You know, the vast majority of "strippers" NEVER take ANYONE home with them at the end of the night. They are just like most other women and have many of the same values, goals, etc that any other girl does. They just realized that they have a "commodity" (their looks) that is in high demand and pays EXTREMELY well. And you already know that most of them are WILD AS HELL in the sack! How is this a bad thing?
Ask yourself this: why would a gorgeous woman (regardless of what she does for a living) want to get serious with you if she doesn't really mean it? Maybe she was looking for some stability with you, was happy enough with you to ask for it, and was indeed serious about it. Obviously, she knows that she can have anyone she wants but she chose you! Maybe if you think about it some more, you'll realize that you might have made a mistake. Maybe it's not too late to reconsider? Maybe she'll even take your sorry ass back (just kiddin' brother). Well, good luck to you in any case. At least one of us is gettin' some...
ks0199

Apr 18 @ 5:02PM  
Dumblonde -- we've known each other for about four months... and have been hanging out, go camping, etc... we'd go to the gym, run, play basketball together... i know tons of stuff about her (family, her major in college, etc) just never talked about her occupation, so to speak.

I think you guys are right -- I may have let her go under my own narrow mindedness :( who knows, maybe she will take my sorry ass back!!! that was pretty fun Moosewood
Dominus

Apr 18 @ 5:07PM  
How the hell did I wind up repeating myself?
ynot7769

Apr 18 @ 5:58PM  
looks like you got some damn good advice .....i'll only add ONE more piece .......from a man whos' lived (so far) with 2 dancers in my life.....IF you get back with her...i'd recomend you NOT go to her place of employment..............trust me in shorts it's simply easier.......

but...as far as TRUST .........both the women i was with were as trust worthy as the day is long....NEVER worried bout it....
ks0199

Apr 18 @ 6:02PM  
Thanks for the advice YNOT
casuallylooking

Apr 18 @ 6:24PM  
Sounds like you judged the book by the cover....even after you read the first few chapters and really enjoyed it. You just didn't like the title, so you tossed it aside.

You liked her, she liked you. You had fun together, you actually did things together besides just great sex. She has a major in college, which means dancing is not what she plans on doing forever...Duh
Sometimes a woman can be a dancer, and damn good at it. But once her shift is over, it's over and she goes back to real life. The life she lives off the clock. Which may include being very faithfull to someone.Not all dancers have sex with customers. It is a JOB, it pays the bills and it even helps get a person through college, with a flexible schedule most times.
bentan

Apr 18 @ 7:25PM  
Well at least you thought about the long term and made a clear and unambiguous decision instead of stringing her along for the sex. I can just see long line of potential guys keeping her around just to screw her silly but not wanting to commit to anything. So what you did, while seeming shallow in outlook, took a lot of self-discipline and maturity in my opinion.
hornylilslut

Apr 19 @ 11:20PM  
All I can say is as a dancer myself I have never taken a customer home and never will.

Dancing is my job/profession nothing more.
And it sure beats the hell out of my former job.

I dance in a bar and I do private parties.
The bar has at least 6 to 8 bouncers every night.
At private parties I always have 3 very big guys that go with me.
All this is for my protection and safety.

Why did I tell you this?
The answer is simple just because someone dances for a living.
Does not mean he or she is having sex with customers.

Can a dancer enter into a commited relationship with one person
Hell yes he or she can.

I just hope for your sake you didn't throw away the chance of everlasting love.
JJN4Fun

Apr 20 @ 8:57AM  
I agree with Bentan here. I see nothing wrong with looking at an entire person, considering your feeling about certain aspects, then making a decision based on what you felt would be the ultimate outcome is mature. If you feel that in the long run it would become an issue for you, then you made a good decision for both of you. Why head into something you know in the end is going to not work???

My son dated a stripper. Had 2 kids with her, in fact. In the end, he couldn't get it out of his head that she sat on men's laps and grinded her ass and crotch into there dicks...or that she shoved her tits in their faces and did the shimmy...or that she allowed them to touch her. It bothered him when they ran into men she danced for - publicly and privately...He didn't anticipate that, but clearly, you have taken things like this into consideration. Some men would not mind; others will - and neither is wrong for how they feel.

If I like a man and find out later he has a kid that he doesn't take care of (or even see), I'd drop him in a minute. In the end, we would end up fighting about it. Is that wrong, too? Don't say one is a moral issue and one is not - both are...
ks0199

Apr 20 @ 10:38AM  
JJN4FUN -- thanks for your words because I related to that very much.

Hornylilslut -- Now that I think about it... I don't know that I worry about her sleeping with other men... it's the fact that her ass and pussy are going to be grinding up on another man's cock... like JJN4Fun put it... so, that is my struggle. I've told her I am not the type of person that could seriously date a stripper, yet. Maybe, if I become more comfortable with the situation we can progress into something deeper and more meaningful. Until then, we are just going to be friends, with benefits. I'm still relatively young anyway, so I'm not super worried about completely settling down yet anyway...


JJN4Fun

Apr 20 @ 11:43AM  
The answer is simple just because someone dances for a living.
Does not mean he or she is having sex with customers.

HLS - You are SO right! I know this, you know this, and in my son's mind he knew this. But that didn't stop the jealousy - and in part because she was often secretive about her private work. I think a man (or woman) has to feel very secure in his/her self AND in the relationship to date anyone in any profession or lifestyle that garners attention - not just dancers. And while I think the person in the profession needs to do what he/she can to reassure their partner that it really IS just work, I do not feel they need to go to extremes to quell someone else's jealousy and insecurity issues - nor should they be expected to. THIS is where I will tell you my son was straight up wrong.
JJN4Fun

Apr 20 @ 11:52AM  
Sorry, hit the wrong button...

As I was saying *grin*... my son was wrong for some of what he expected of her in terms of proving her faithfulness. He met her this way, SAID he accepted her this way, but truly could not. He wasn't honest with himself and that was the problem - his problem.

A long time ago, I met a woman who owns a "strip-o-gram" business. Successful, too. What I learned early on was that it was just work for her and the vast majority of her dancers. To watch them discuss business was all it took to know this, and I witnessed plenty of this.
Taisen

Apr 29 @ 10:32PM  
Wow I missed this blog? Ok KS...I used to be a dancer/stripper....Whichever you like to call it...I prefer dancer...I was always faithful and I never took a customer home with me or went home with one..I never went out and partied with any of the guys after work...I went straight home to my husband at the time...He cheated not me...Even after we split for good when HE got another girl pregnant I still never took men home , went with them or dated any male I met at work..It was my pseronal rule..I learned while dancing that you put on an act..You learn to smile and grit your teeth and do what you can to make that money WITHOUT sleeping with the guys you meet there..I did really good and still made my money even though I would not sleep with any of them or date them..I actually have a few male friends I met while working and they have never made a pass at me or tried to date me because they knew how it was with me..I was always honest and blunt with my customers...My current husband met me as a dancer and at first he was ok...Then when we got more serious he tried to make me quit..I feel like this..If you were ok with it to begin with and you dated me then why should I have to quit my job that I support myself and my children with? Your a little different as you did not know she danced...But just because she is a dancer does not mean she can't have a committed and faithful relationship...I have and my husband knew there was no reason to be jealous...Heck I even offered to let him be there with me every night if it made him feel better...Not all female dancers are bad or sleep around..It is an act and it is a job no matter what people say about it...I suported my kids on it and I am not proud of what I did but I am proud that I was able to make it through a crappy marriage and support my kids without any help!! Give her a chance and if you can't handle it then that is fine but at least give the girl a chance..You never know you may end up not even caring about it...Don't worry about what she is doing for money just worry that she wants to spend time with you and date you...

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Dating a Stripper