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Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (thirds anyone?)

posted 4/15/2007 1:29:31 AM |
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  DickSlippery

I’m still waiting 4 independent verification on whether or not there iz any validity 2 BelAir789’s outlandish claims that he scores pussy after being bagged on by Urs truly. That’s right...this cat has some kind of secret society of sex freaks that iz constantly monitoring my shit and notifying him within seconds anytime I start hating on his punk ass. I’ve heard unsubstantiated rumors that they meet Tuesdays and Thursdays in this spot (the Elks have the place the rest of the week. Plus, they have AA over on the other end, and that’s always a bonus. I myself have never been, but I hear they offer great fucking insurance) they have taken 2 calling The Hall of Just Us Chickens, where they brainstorm strategy with a two-pronged design. How can they find ways 2 get him pussy out of the fucking blue while simultaneously working 2wards bringing about my destruction and the inevitable collapse of my empire. Well, goddamn! Just smack my ass and call me Emperor Slippery. Obviously, someone other than President Bush needs 2 invest in his spy network, cuz if these bitches consider this shit 2 be an empire, then no one iz ever going 2 find WMDs in Iraq. I don’t even think they could find the individual letters if U gave them a dictionary. But, this is the kind of shit that happens when U recruit espionage agents off of ads placed in the Pennysaver. I blame Don Imus. Why the fuck not? Everybody else seems willing 2 blame his dumb ass 4 shit he didn’t do. U wanna blame a motherfucker 4 something, blame him 4 not being funny. U know what I blame him 4? I blame his ass 4 making me feel like I would rather be administering enemas 2 the demented elderly than listening 2 the fucking radio. Iz this really a world where it iz not only a bold programming move, but also economically feasible 2 have this fucking product of generations worth of inbreeding on both the radio and TV at the same fucking time? I mean honestly...what’s a girl 2 do? I might even have taken this nonsense at face value were I not such a fervent believer in BelAir789’s homosexuality. I’m sorry, but anyone that cute has 2 be gay.
Otherwise, my entire belief system begins 2 break down, and I’m telling U people that’s just bad business 4 everybody...

This next piece is from the Where the Fuck Duz He Come Up with This Shit Department, and they have been working a lot of overtime lately, so please bear with me. (This internet debacle is affecting me on all kinds of unexpected levels and I have scheduled a meeting with the various department heads regarding the ongoing negotiations and what we can do 2 make this situation better 4 all parties involved, but these things take time) I wuz only offering the lady a ride, Officer loses some of it’s validity as an excuse when the broad iz still blowing U during questioning. Apparently, that’s what happened 2 Aldus Stackinghosen, a 44 year-old salesman from Grand Rapids who wuz stopped by police 4 questioning Monday night. As the officers approached the vehicle they could tell something wuz amiss, but neither of the veteran officers were prepared 4 what they actually found when they reached the driver’s side window and looked N2 the vehicle. Mr. Stackinghosen, who wuz otherwise pleasant and cooperative, had a hooker attached 2 his pecker. According 2 witnesses, the young woman wuz giving Mr. Stackinghosen a world class blow job when somehow her retainer got caught on his zipper, thereby trapping her in his lap. The worst part 4 her wuz the fact that his cock wuz still resting in her mouth, despite the fact that he had already come. They eventually had 2 call in the Fire Department, who responded with the Jaws of Life and after trying 4 several hours 2 pry her loose, wuz finally able 2 break her loose. At one point during the rescue he became erect again and blasted yet another load down her throat. Once freed both were cited 4 prostitution and released, but Stackinghosen wuz taken back N2 custody only moments later and booked N2 County jail on an unrelated charge. The hooker with whom he had been attached wuz now claiming he owed her 4 services received but unpaid. She wuz claiming he owed payment 4 the accidental orgasm she wuz forced 2 swallow, and when he refused 2 pay she called the local precinct and told them that Stackinghosen wuz responsible 4 a series of violent stick up jobs that taken place the week B4, baffling the local precinct and scaring the local Hmong population shitless. Unbeknownst 2 him the hooker had lifted his Driver’s License from his wallet and while he wuz waiting 4 his wife Magda 2 come down and bail him out of jail, she and a male accomplice drove out and burgled his house, coming away with almost $45,000 in cash and assorted personal belongings. She managed 2 avoid detection and slip away N2 the night, leaving behind a note asking him when she wuz going 2 get her money. Upon arriving home and discovering the burglary he started 2 call the number written on the note and realized she had stolen all of the telephones as well. Not just the cordless phones, either.

Not quite done yet, kiddies!

Keeping U posted

DS

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Blogs by DickSlippery:
The Breast of Thymes (Part Two)
The Breast of Thymes (Part One)
Scattered Thoughts & Random Ideas XII (Part Two)
Scattered Thoughts & Random Ideas XII (Part One)
Goddamnit...I Just Fucking LOVE Big Tits!
I wonder if I’m normal
Now, if we can only get the Jews 2 apologize 4 Jesus
And the Sinner is...
Roll Call
The Benefit of Having Nothing 2 Say
Shenanigans with DickSlippery
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (a webdrama in four chapters)
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (thirds anyone?)
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (part the second)
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (Part One of as many as it fucking takes)
The Top 200 (The Final Chapter)
The Top 200 Reasons I Still Love it Here on AMD (In Color)
Man...this iz just the rest of number 23
The Top 200 yadda yadda yadda
Top 200 Reasons I still Fucking Love it Here at AMD (in NekkidVision3D)
Top 200 Reasons I Still Fucking Love It Here at AMD (in FunkyVision)
Top 200 Reasons I Still Fucking Love It Here at AMD (in RidiculousVision)
Top 200 Reasons I Still Fucking Love It Here at AMD (in several parts)
Top 200 Reasons I Still Fucking Love It Here at AMD (In several parts)
U Gotta Be Shitting Me...Right?


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Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas XI (thirds anyone?)