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Whatever God there is, Thank You!!!

posted 4/10/2007 12:14:11 PM |
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  totallytaboo

I used to be in love, or what infact was my "idea" of what beign in love was. (that idea being, having great sex and leaning on the edge of obsessiveness)... This guy was gorgeous, GORGEOUS, the most attractive guy I had ever been with. We were fuck buddies of sorts, knowing each in yahoo chat for 2 years before finally meeting (2 years ago this wasn't a very popular means of social networking)... We got along great, except of course, he was an asshole and I was a bitch. So it wasn't really great, it was like oil and water, but the sex was amazing and we were both intellectually stimulated. And when I say the sex was amazing, it was as if his dick was made for me. I'm sure there are some women out there who can truly understand that. He was my perfect partner,... moving on.

He never dated, never. He was the one guy that girls couldn't tie down, no matter how hard they tried. But we were together for around 11 months ( I didn't bother to count and worship the days).. we had some downs (mostly the time I confessed my undying love for him) and he laughed me out of his apartment. I decided to stay away from him for a month or two to evaluate my life and question this obvious destructive behavior.. but he was too gorgeous to resist and his dick was too big to stay away from. A couple of months later he decided he was ready to move out of the area... fine, whatever, that's cool. So, he left. We im'd for a few months afterwards, but nothing ever happened between us again. I met someone else, like all good girls do, and that was that. It's been a while since I thought about him and I just found him on myspace. He's finally dating someone and he has the ugliest baby I have EVER seen. This guy that was a sworn bachelor that never wanted kids, this guy that was a God to me... this guy now looks like a burnout junkie with an ugly girlfriend and a hideous baby. This guy that told me he would never love me is stuck in a relationship with more responsibility he can handle. He's living in his mom's basement!!! I held onto him and all the shit that happened between us for too long and now I am so ready to let it go. I am ready to date again because this one guy that was PERFECT in my eyes has the crappiest life.

I'd like to believe it was his comeuppance or if God finally slipped me a good hand, but I feel so fantastic. I cried for a few minutes, too many memories came washing back, but I'm so glad that I didn't get stuck with him. Sure, I'll forever miss the sex, but whatever ideals I had had of being in love with this asshole have gone out the window. He has a fate far worse than whatever I could have wished on him. I'm not saying kids are punishment (some are amazing and some people are truly blessed to be parents), but for this guy to be stuck with a girlfriend like that, a guy that never wanted kids, now has one.. He's trapped with a life he never wanted, but after breaking my heart, it's fucking fantastic. Looking at all the myspace pictures of him trying to fake a smile with his glazed over eyes, holding his baby awkwardly while his snaggletooth girlfriend grins for the world, It's a truly perfect ending. Now, I'm not a vengeful person and I never would have wished bad things on him, but he certainly made his bed and laid in it.

Why are women so emotional? Why are we cursed with clinging to the things we really shouldn't? And why was I so friggin stupid to believe that he was the guy I could see myself being with for a while? Why did I let this one guy ruin me and keep me from having a chance at getting a feeling at what a healthy relationship was? I never get emotionally attached, except to dogs, but that's just because they eat their own shit once in a while and don't hide the fact. What you see is what you clearly get and they love you no matter what your faults are, because chances are they'll lick your face right after they lick their ass and not think a thing about it. BUT... I have just steered myself so far away from possible relationships and girls at my age shouldn't do that. I don't want to get married anywhere in the near future or "get pinned".. but I do want to have some fun, go out and get drunk and screw till I'm exhausted.. and I'm finally ready to do that. Que sera, sera.

So, I guess, that's that. I'm expecting a few comments telling me I'm an awful person, and that's cool, I'm down with whatever. But if e-God is out there in cyberspace reading this; thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's always better when the sun comes out to burn off the night. It's new, fresh, and it's not waiting for those that don't rise to the day.

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Comments:

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weylinalastair

Apr 10 @ 12:26PM  
I guess that this is more proof that even "perfection" itself can be a flaw.
totallytaboo

Apr 10 @ 12:27PM  
I guess that's one of the perks of youth... you can actually believe that perfection exists!
Roxanna

Apr 10 @ 12:57PM  
I don't know you, I doubt I have even read your profile through my AMD lurking - but I do infact love you for posting this.
This is a great blog, I laughed. Hell, I even felt teensie tiny tears well up in my eyes. I guess it hit home.

This is where I stand firmly behind the say, "Karma is a bitch." He found out.
hulkNpooh

Apr 10 @ 5:07PM  
I firmly believe....what goes around, comes around. You and that guy were'nt meant to be together...think about it.. You obviously are a caring person, one with compassion. Maybe a little wild side. Just means you like to have fun...who doesnt right That doesnt make you a bitch. He just didnt care. He sounds like an ass. So, he got his just deserts. You...have fun while you can..some day you will find Mr. Right...you probably wont even be looking for him when he walks into your life. So...SMILE Girl
Dominus

Apr 12 @ 2:52AM  
I guess that's one of the perks of youth... you can actually believe that perfection exists!

Perfection does exist...if you know where to look for it. I just happen to know where.

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Whatever God there is, Thank You!!!